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Opening Night of GEFF is here! Doors open 6:30pm at Tribeca Cinemas. No one admitted after 7:15pm. Tickets will be available at the door.
Retweeted by Jolynn Carpenter

I smell bananas. Just saying.

Dear fellow fans, we are proud to invite you to GOLDEN EGG FILM FESTIVAL next week in TriBeCa Theater. We will be... http://t.co/UaebxRn7kM
Retweeted by Jolynn Carpenter

Good morning! Ok, that's enough of that for now. I'm going back to sleep.

Tickets now on sale directly through us for $30! http://t.co/7JmhEh5DWu
Retweeted by Jolynn CarpenterGetting pumped for another audition...after my nap. http://t.co/qhnU4PHukj

Hello, Saturday afternoon audition!

At least I'm keeping up with the once-a-week schedule. I'll work on same day each week coming up: http://t.co/qhnU4PHukj

So I own a film festival. Yeah, really. No joke. Check it out. It's pretty cool. https://t.co/zdpnXItyWH

@noredavis I just saw you on Inside Amy Schumer! Rock on!

This is a shout-out to fruit for being delicious and all that.

I have double-jointed elbows. There's a factoid you can keep in your back pocket for future use. You're welcome.

There are red onions in this Mediterranean salad and it's FANTASTIC! Ok. That is all. Carry on.

So I'm going to be starring in a new movie. http://t.co/qhnU4PHukj

Film shoot day! I love the smell of pre-production in the morning.

So I'm starting to get better at this blogging thing. Well, somewhat. http://t.co/qhnU4PHukj

@RENITACASTING That, and milkshakes. Milkshakes can make things right, too.

Is it strange that I suddenly had the urge to build a fort? You know, of the pillow or other household items variety.I'm wearing shiny pants. Just thought you should know that.

I just saw a lady walking down the street with a parrot on her shoulder. #ilovemycity

So I had an audition yesterday. I have another one today. Oh, and another tomorrow. It.seems that trend is catching on.

Mutton chops are in? Seriously?!? #hipsterchic

Dear elderly man with the bleach blonde hair wearing the fabulous fedora with a feather in it, Thank you for being you. -Me

Why don't I have a set of jade tea saucers? I feel like I'm terribly out of a very fashionable loop.

So I had an audition last night, and I just got home from another audition today. I'm starting to see a trend, and I like it.

@OccupyWallSt Nothing to see here. Just turn on your tv when you get home.

Disco? Ok, I can dig that right now. Boogie Fever, indeed.

Why don't I have chocolate ice cream? Ooo, and Chinese food! Why don't I have chocolate ice cream and Chinese food?

Guess what, guys? It's a two audition day! How's that for starting the day off right?

If I had a pet hummingbird, I would never leave the apartment.

@lynchcarmen Every now and then I fall apart...

"To love what you do and feel that it matters -- how could anything be more fun?" - Katherine GrahamIt's 6am. Why am I awake on a Saturday morning? Getting ready to shoot a commercial!

Don’t get discouraged; it is often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.
Retweeted by Jolynn Carpenter

I need to learn how to do origami. You know, just for kicks. #funwithpapercranes

Why don't I have anything in tweed? I should at least have a jacket. I'd play billiards while wearing it. Ha! Funny word. Billiards.

I just saw a guy playing a keytar. I love my city.You know that weird thing that toenails do sometimes? Mine's doing it right now, and I don't like it.

You know those knit hats that look like they have animal ears on them? I saw a woman wearing one. No, it's not cute. I wanted to hit her.

Another audition day!

I'm wearing a cute ski jacket. Too bad I'm HORRID at skiing. #allhailherroyalklutziness

My hair froze while I was walking to the subway today. #hellofebruary

Hey, you! Guy wearing the leopard-print socks! You are on a level of "cool" that I strive for.I want to curl up under a fleece blanket. That, and for @tschuebel to give me a piggyback ride around our living room.

"If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche

So, I started a film festival: http://t.co/Cta5QWGY

Some of the most interesting conversations I've had are w/ myself. You learn a lot if you listen. And talk. It's a one-person conversation.

I would strangle someone for a slice of banana cream pie right now.

You know the guy who stands on the edge of the platform so that no one standing behind him can see when the train is coming? I hate that ...

Don't blame it on the good times. Just blame it on the boogie.

Allergies- Why are you bothering me now? I thought we had an arrangement. Go away and come back August. -Me

Audition time! WOOOOO!

Bravo, lady in the ugly sweater! It takes cojones to wear an ugly sweater like that. Wait. You know that's an ugly sweater, right?I'm eating an apple. It's bruised. That makes it tougher than your apple. Take THAT, imaginary foes.So true! The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist. - J. Harold Wilkins

You know when celery gets caught in your teeth? I hate that. I enjoyed you earlier. Now go away.

Why am I not eating an orange right now? On that note, why does my orangeless state peeve me off so much?

Hey, guy wearing headphones who danced while walking down the street. Turn that up! Ugh, turn that back down. No one wants to hear that.

Good morning, random lady wearing a silver sequins covered top hat. Thank you for that.

I wish I had a cape. No, seriously. I need a cape.

My trivia question abilities are mediocre. I don't have many occasions that call for it, but I should be prepared for when the time arrives.

I'd be dangerous with a fire extinguisher

If I watch "Fargo," I'll talk like that for the next hour or so.

I don't have an orange handbag. I feel like there's something wrong with that.

You know those moments that remind you of what a spaz you are? I had 2 today. Wait, no.....3. Yes, 3. I had 3 of those today.Havarti is cool, but dill havarti is EPIC. In a food sense, of course. I know there is nothing literally epic about cheese.

"Great is the road I climb, but the garland offered by an easier effort is not worth the gathering." - Propertius

I could seriously rock a cavalier hat. Dark green, perhaps, and with a big purple feather.

@meganamram @serafinowicz Alack! Your delation is judicial and very!

I don't know how to play parcheesi. I just know it sounds delicious.I wanted a ferris wheel last night, then after about 15 seconds realized I'd get bored quick. Base jumping, anyone?

@lynchcarmen You're hitting the big-time now! Talk about a Happy New Year!2013 already? It doesn't feel any different. I mean, I got a little dizzy for a second, but I think that was my blood sugar.

8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet http://t.co/rxflq9Yu #OnionYIR
Retweeted by Jolynn CarpenterI need a haircut. Just thought you should know that. Carry on.@slashcoleman ...I'm not sure how to tell you this.....Johnny died. Yeah, some time ago. I'm sorry. Be strong.

I just consumed about 1/4 of a pound of Dutch smoked cheese. I feel like I should do some pushups.I must have been a hippy in a past life. I probably died of a drug overdose or maybe broke my neck jdiving off stage at Woodstock.@ericach0 Nice surprise!

@eliroth @NicolasLopez Excelente! That made me smile.Stop being afraid of what could go wrong. Focus on what could go right
Retweeted by Jolynn Carpenter

Making buttered broccoli for dinner tonight. It smells like sunshine and happiness here. Broccoli, too. It also smells like broccoli.You Do, Of Course, Realize That This Is Going To End Very, Very Badly | Commentary By ‘Honey Boo Boo’ http://t.co/mBcQ0vYW #OnionYIR
Retweeted by Jolynn Carpenter

Have you noticed how sad your laundry looks when it's just laying on the floor? I'm sorry, laundry. I'll put you in your proper receptical.

I don't wear enough accessories that make jingley noises. They're terrible for stealth mode but awesome for my entertainment.

I want a cheese wheel just for kicks. I'd eat it eventually, but the idea of owning an entire wheel of cheese amuses me for some reason.

"We are what we repeatedly do." - Aristotle

I'd say it's a cartwheel kind of day, but a nap just sounds so much better right now.

I am Batman. Ok, I'm not. I just made that up.

I've heard a lot of holiday tunes and carols today. Now I want to go on a sleigh ride. It's NYC. Sleighs aren't exactly in great supply.

What would be considered an obsene amount of tomatoes? Whatever the number, I've consumed at least close to it today.

Ok, cats and badgers (go with it), tonight's the first night of my free show! 350 e 85th st, 8pm tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday. Join me!I have this almost uncontrollable urge to dance terribly. If you see me doing so, leave me be. It will pass.Hello, unobnoxiously loud shoes. You are coming home with me.

I'm doing a show and no charge to get in! Please leave donation for the Red Cross. Details: "Simple Stories" Ryan's Daughter 350 E 85th St

New, hot accessory for me this season: antennas. I'm going to get a few pairs to match my handbags.

Do you ever want to take a flyer from the people who pass them out just so you can make a paper airplane?I should've worn pigtails.

I get way too excited about lentils.