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Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age yet one of them has a child and another is mentally stuck in middle school.
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Music stars always thank Me for their God-given talent when they should be thanking Me for the public's God-forsaken taste.
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Every time Beyonce goes on tour she gets pregnant. She needs better security.
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@amyh914 how did I not know this existed?!

When's Rebecca Black's tour coming to town?
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I'm not sure.. You should Bing it.
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Cute baby and daddy alert (PHOTO) http://t.co/FH5vBsj5T2
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RT @astroengine Stunning! RT @thenightskyguy: Tonight: Space Station Passes over Stonehenge and under the Moon. Wow! http://t.co/vhWXzgs02l.
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“@RollingStone: That 'Friends' reunion people are talking about? Not happening: http://t.co/IIb0bgahPr” Damnit!

@amyh914 @totaldrapermove I love Lil Megan's gap tooth.“@TotalDraperMove: I don't remember signing off on these Mad Men Kidz cartoons http://t.co/jfj1IaSi24” Aw.Great job Chicago #boston http://t.co/2qtU6NmZKf
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper“@Slate: This is a really tough week in American history: http://t.co/HNGLzyOHhA #Waco #OKC #VaTech #Columbine #Boston” Yikes!

A message from New York to Boston projected on Brooklyn Academy of Music http://t.co/77Ij4ZqHMm http://t.co/rXMOjCUNog /via @BuzzFeed
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I want a Mad Men spin-off set in modern times, with Courtney Thorne-Smith and Jim Belushi reuniting to play Sally Draper and that Glenn kid.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperHard core Trudy Campbell fan #MadMen

It doesn't get worse than golf news.
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Typing "lmao" and knowing fine and well that your ass is firmly attached.
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After literally a decades long hiatus, I turned on General Hospital & everyone's still there #GHismyconstant #Lost
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperMyspace is blue, Facebook is blue, Instagram is blue, Tumblr is blue, Twitter is blue... Social Media is run by Crips.
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Dear Math, I'm sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone. Move on dude...
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I like to stop the microwave at 0:01. It makes me feel like I'm defusing a bomb and saving lives.
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

“@HuffPostComedy: Porn stars congratulate the new pope http://t.co/jbczFPqqJ5” Aw.“@dudeman718: 'Nap rooms' encourage sleeping on the job to boost productivity - Life Inc. http://t.co/oJE9nPfgMf” please!

“@HuffPostChicago: Rawr! Illinois could ban the sale of lion meat http://t.co/wXofHKuvMj” um, it's not already?

If at first you don't succeed, you're not trying to do easy enough stuff.
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“@HuffingtonPost: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad thinks Hugo Chavez will resurrect and return with Jesus one day http://t.co/6yhNkOUU2p” Alrighty.

“@eonline: Girls Gone Wild Files for Bankruptcy.” Financial or emotional bankruptcy?
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I think that having gun control, bladder control and a remote control would satisfy all our basic needs
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All the world's a gif and we are merely jpgs
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper“@katewalsh: Ok, so gun metal grey and silver metallic dresses r the theme of the evening.” And dudes with long hair. Really long.“@PerezHilton: Watch Jennifer Lawrence's #Oscars fall HERE: http://t.co/x4JEBi5pog” for you @amyh914All this EGOT talk is really making me miss #30Rock
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperAdele and Taylor Swift are the same age. Just take that in.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperWhy is Tatum Channing such an integral part of the Oscars telecast?
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperHalle Berry is 46. Anne Hathaway go home. #oscars
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“A study suggests keeping cats can increase chances of developing mental illnesses and cause suicidal behavior in women.” Um, @not_margaret“@HuffingtonPost: 12 things stressed women do -- according to stock photos http://t.co/x7nCu6Qf” Ha!

I just want to tell Jim Harbaugh that there was a lot of holding that wasn't called in the Puppy Bowl either. #SB47 #sklarbowl
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperThe truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. -Gloria Steinem
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Aw :( “@ABCWorldNews: RIP: Barney Bush, Former First Dog http://t.co/PzpgmiDH #InstantIndex #ABCWorldNews”

I can't believe "Old Awning After Several Days of Rain" and "One Way People Wore Pants in the 90's" weren't nominated for sag awards.
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper"How can I have the least possible amount of human interaction?" - me, every day
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

@amyh914 I fear you are right.Downton Abbey's gripping appeal is truly hard to describe. "Well, the butler hates the TOASTER, see? And it's HILARIOUS."
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Fun fact - Kevin McNally (Mr. Bryant), is the real-life husband of Phyllis Logan (Mrs. Hughes)! #DowntonPBS
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

“@not_margaret: my mom needs her own Twitter account so I don't have to hear her commentary” Hahahaha!Twitter has now become divided by people who understood Jodie Foster and people who were as utterly confused as I was. #GoldenGlobes
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperIn case you stepped out, Mel Gibson just presented Jodie Foster with a stuffed hamster on a silver tray at the #GoldenGlobes.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperAnne Hathaway won the Taylor Swift "I'm So suprised" award :O) c'mon U Bitches KNOW U r winning this shit! :O)
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperWilly Wonka let Lea Michelle out of the chocolate factory especially to present this award.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperI wanna see all these movies!! Except maybe the salmon one.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperAhnold & Sly. Jesus, these two ladies need to lay off the face work...and this is ME saying this
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperQuentin Tarantino is like if a Red Bull were a person. #GoldenGlobes
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperRT @RichardCrouse: I knew Tommy Lee Jones reminded me of someone! #goldenglobes http://t.co/jpd9Kvgr
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperLovely blunt objects make only ok weapons against self-doubt #goldenglobes #trustme
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperIt's moments like this that I wish Patti LuPone had twitter.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperI wanna be the illegitimate offspring of Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell in my next life.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperLet us never forget Tommy Lee Jones' reaction to the hilarious Will Ferrell & Kristen Wiig bit. #America http://t.co/F17CKru9
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If Lincoln wins, I hope they don't chisel "Academy Award Winner" on the monument. Tacky.
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What would it cost to get Maggie Smith and Shirley MacLaine to have a "Beat It" style knife-fight? #DowntonPBS
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper@pattonoswalt and the part of Mr. Patmore should be played by...

The new footman is the early 1900's British "Landry". #FridayNightLights #DowntonPBS
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper'Downton Abbey' Seasons 1 and 2 Explained in 5 Minutes http://t.co/Q9w370Es
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If you really sit down and think about it, where *isn't* it hard for a pimp?
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper"Coming up in 7 minutes, David Petreaus and Elizabeth Taylor will sing from Les Mis" - Kathy Griffin, NYE in Times Square@amyh914 you too! I just checked twitter and like 4 people were posting about farting. Year's off to a good start!Times Square, New Years Eve. 1940. http://t.co/olPKn52u
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper“@amyh914: This Call Me Maybe-Semi-Charmed Life mashup just ruined my whole year.” Good thing you posted this when your year was almost over

5.....4....3....2...1..........11PM!!!!!!
Retweeted by Michelle Schaperrip 2012 (2012-2012)
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

Were the Mayans really bad at predicting the future, or totally awesome at pranking people?
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Thank you @MrJasonRBrown. Heartbreaking. http://t.co/dbLuvcV4
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So a decision made 221 years ago tomorrow by a few men in a room is above reproach? Makes total sense.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperPic of sky over Sandy Hook taken 930 am Friday... someone sent me last night. Thinking & praying for all the families http://t.co/PJ1rfANx
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The first time The Onion has made me cry. Perfect, horrible, and fuck this. #fb http://t.co/6ZYtG46G
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@BestBuy Really disappointed in your Orland Park, IL event. Disorganized. No info shared. Just left w/out even seeing what the promo was. :(I love @TheEllenShow but it's a shame @bestbuy didn't do a better job with her promo in Orland Park, IL. No info shared at all. Just left.Yay! #InLineAtBestBuy

Your body is little more than the executor to your mind's idiocy.
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Anyone know why cotton advertises and no other fabric does? Its perplexing.
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

ERNIE from Sesame Street won an GRAMMY for Rubber Duckie! Even reached #16 on the charts! Details --> http://t.co/SY4t2zII
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This dog has committed many crimes http://t.co/RbCHXXzs
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If you put the mother from that famous Great Depression photo in a sundress, she'd be every woman ever at a Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville.
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Cub fans should be proud! RT @jimcaple: ESPN research says Tuesday's Cubs-Astros game will be 1st matchup of 100-game losers in 50 years.
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

Wanna be on Mad Men? We are auctioning a walk-on with airfare and hotel. Benefit some close friends of the MM fam. http://t.co/kAmQH6GT #fb
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperICYMI: A 6'3", 260-pound pizzeria owner picked up President Obama and gave him a bear hug. Photo: http://t.co/Yys8w3em
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Ha! “@HuffPostChicago: The Cubs' 1-game win streak comes to an end http://t.co/fn0xr3ju”

19 Old Slang Terms We Need to Bring Back — http://t.co/j7cxgSL2 #bestoftheweek
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Putin has 2 years to come up with a lot of beloved pop songs #Sochi2014
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperWhen I see Scary Spice now I can't help but think our fear threshold was much lower in the mid-90s
Retweeted by Michelle Schaper

“@not_margaret: just made my second DP joke of the week. keeping it classy since 1982.” nice. I like it.

Ha @not_margaret “@Ruth_A_Buzzi: My cat heard there's a new bulldog on our street. He's prepared for action. http://t.co/VKZ5PwcB”

@BrianSchaper @scottrschaper “@HuffPostComedy: The elderly react to Skrillex http://t.co/t42InFWx”

This is what happens when a malfunction causes 18 mins of fireworks to explode in 15 secs (VIDEO) http://t.co/oMr0xtBb
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Old Navy: When You Just Can't Make It to Tijuana.
Retweeted by Michelle SchaperManaging Millennials: Why Gen Y Will Be Running the Country by 2020 [INFOGRAPHIC] - http://t.co/EIgu3cYv
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Hahaha. Amazing. “@caterinatweets: Possibly the best, most candid interview I've ever heard. http://t.co/PNLa5IZZ”

@amyh914 @bobbylucia No way. That's like the Sears Tower of England.