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Congratulations to David Bowie on his Champions League win#MyTLRightNow@Zelah_ Ha ha!@save_u_cash Lovin' it at the moment, lots of activity.@save_u_cash Yeah, along with cherry pie, chips, Hawaiian pizza and a pavlova #GottaLoveTheLuxuries@save_u_cash I have some Fosters that I can unload them into.@audiopsyence @purplehaynze Yeah it was, do you have other news?@audiopsyence @purplehaynze Congratulations, guys. I know a card is more appropriate but I'm very, very poor. Hence a writer.Ugh. Look what life just gave me. What am I meant to do with these? http://t.co/xGiT3DBafs@ScoutFinch_75 The future? Where we're going we don't need the future.Money? Where we're going, we don't need money.@amateuradam I've just realised how dubious our address is now. We are Yew Tree Cottagers.
Retweeted by Terry LanderSneak peek at a new character of mine 'Becky Thump', in the new Viz out next Thursday... http://t.co/OzGUfGSPBJ
Retweeted by Terry Lander@TopOf_TheTweets Second best. http://t.co/LhkDHFH9xH

@MarkTFillingham Absolutely, I wouldn't swap my followers for all the profiles on Facebook. #QualityMatters@MarkTFillingham Followers are overrated.@ben_cameron I'm not allowed out of Cornwall so have to wait until the comedy comes to me.Also go! Go! Go! Go! Go! http://t.co/rgvX4Bqf2MI just bought THIS from the very amicable Robin Ince http://t.co/rTNzc3A6Vd feat. @ajhmurray, Stewart Lee and @Herring1967Feeling paranoid RT @robinince Falmouth audience are very different to Penzance, funny the difference a few miles makes.I'm out on a Friday night, not like me. #ShouldBeEditingAm I really going out dressed like this?Still some seats available for @robinince tonight. Book now! Order your drinks at the bar before the show to avoid the interval rush.
Retweeted by Terry LanderI should be painting my bonnet but, you know what, I'm not.What I'm trying to say is more funny cats, please.Twitter should have categories. Puns, news, opinions etc. Nothing worse than looking for funny cats and finding 100 views on the news.Brilliant. http://t.co/haqwh0nMEO
Retweeted by Terry LanderHasn't anyone got anything better to do?
Retweeted by Terry Lander@ProResting Are casting sites cheaper to use than dating sites? Might explain a few things.@thecatsdaughter http://t.co/ZRhKNSBhWtOnly kidding. No hate for 'Droof here.There was a book in Redruth?? RT @robinince Hunt for Book Club specimens continues, best i could find in Redruth. http://t.co/3nvfAJUCsu@100707 3 days of Spring, 2 days of Summer, three hours of Autumn and a cold, long Winter. #OptimistWriters - enter this competition from midnight tonight. You have just 72 hours to get it done from then! http://t.co/Y698kkb6pR

A chicken and an egg are at the bar in a pub. The barman asks "Okay, who was first?"
Retweeted by Terry LanderHere it is http://t.co/JSq05iYtHpAw bless. Mother In Law is dyslexic but has a book for sale at Lulu and told me to tell @Mrs_Lyvit to get it on her 'Kingle'. #KindleTHAT IS THE JOKE YES. RT @ba55bar: @danielmaier because it blended in with the lift music that's always on there?
Retweeted by Terry LanderHa ha. Daft Punk album leaked on Ceefax; no-one noticed. http://t.co/66dB1iU6yt
Retweeted by Terry Lander@TamsynTweetie Slacker@ajhmurray The people reading this reply have too much time on their hands.@properjobdisco pretty self explanatory I thoughtCan everyone please sign this? http://t.co/8UV3slkecV
Retweeted by Terry Lander@SpacemanSonic Ugh. Nothing worse than a little one with a big dose of Calpol #BadNights@SpacemanSonic Shame you can't get a Kindle and zoom right out. #KindleProblems@SpacemanSonic Ha ha! Glasses? All speccy wearers are freaks, mate. #ProudFreakText from @Lyvit "This is worse than the time we were lured to the bear pit with peanut butter on our genitals"
Retweeted by Terry Lander

RT: @TheDelovely My acting reel almost has 100 views: https://t.co/za2hf70UCh - will make the 72 hours of re-editing almost worth it.@SpacemanSonic 50 Shades of Grey, although someone plagiarised my work :-(@properjobdisco Oops, meant to answer this..! I am all good me ol' mucker. And you?As if by magic I now have a full cast again #TouchWood #Firsts http://t.co/nS1BGxAXOW@TheDelovely @heartlandsuk Thanks for your promotional activity to date.http://t.co/wrbfPmk39s50% of tickets for Firsts are sold. If you want 2 hours of entertainment for £2.50 book now. 18/5, 14:00, Tin room at Heartlands, Cornwall@TheDelovely I have this in mind.@TheDelovely That's because you've saved it all for Firsts, I'm sure. Are you free June 22nd for a read through?@TheDelovely Surely a good sign.@TheDelovely Break a leg and that...@strugglngwriter It made E L James a millionaire. I'm not a fan of the genre, though.I'm still one actor short of a full cast. #FirstsThe doctor said it was herpes. I asked him for a second opinion. He said it was his fourth favourite measurement of time.
Retweeted by Terry Lander@NickMotown Kay Burley's already in your trees@leothemack Brilliant though@NickMotown Is that your way of hiding your involvement? #SpeculatingHere@properjobdisco Younger than you me ol' son.@leothemack "Garcon means boy"@TheDelovely I hope you get the lead. And they pay expenses@properjobdisco "You're not my friend anymore and you can't come to my birthday""I write to inform you that, as well as the termination of our friendship, your attendance at my birthday is no longer required"In the 'gif/jif' debate, I turn to the marvellous @MrMichaelSpicer for the final, funny word. http://t.co/AoEepvvUM6
Retweeted by Terry Lander

@Mrs_Lyvit @ben_cameron Can't enjoy free pizza if free pizza is without you.@amateuradam I love being a lefty.Thinking more about this free pizza...I've actually already been paid to eat it #falseadvertising@Mrs_Lyvit @ben_cameron I doubt it very much.HAPPY FREE PIZZA DAY #PizzaTuesday@ben_cameron I'm not looking to deny anyone a bit of that. Dig out and enjoy yourself.My books are not bestsellers but I'm entitled to my opinion on his dross.Apparently calling Dan Brown a shit writer makes me a bitter one. What about the blatantly bad use of language?@christinamartin Lemon meringue pie.

@mrs_lyvit @lyvit http://t.co/vH3EsHpvJkPlease buy tickets for 'Firsts' here as we won't be able to sell them on the door: http://t.co/wrbfPmk39s@robinince We have tickets for Falmouth Poly. We're rock, paper, scissoring which child to sell to pay for a meal, too.Xboxers! Want some games? I have some. £10 each. http://t.co/GPo5W7EEUo

RT @moanup Been watching the social network for 35 minutes. Not one 'u ok hun'. Hardly authentic.
Retweeted by Terry LanderIf you've forgotten who he is, Waterstones can remind you here: http://t.co/hhXv0UnF8nThis account is soon to be remixed by Alya Bessex. When he gets off his arse.My wife @thecurlz & my dog Asia 'helping' in the garden... http://t.co/YbyiDfoEMb
Retweeted by Terry Lander@mrkhndy I miss your guitar.@mrkhndy Don't tell me to eBay Xbox games. I've sold the fruit machine and turntables through the Book of Face.Also I have X Box 360 games, £12 each as I have to post them to Tweeters. #LyvitShop http://t.co/XRGwnbbmQx@TheCatsDaughter Foghorn?Cornwall theatre goers. "Firsts" is on at @heartlandsuk on 18/08/13 at 14:00 hours. Scratch Play, £2.50 tickets at http://t.co/j5spRNMMOq@SpacemanSonic @tinksaid I'd rather edit than garden. Bleurgh. My landlady won't let me have a dog. The bunnies are worse than useless.@tinksaid We tried that one. The dishes would have been cleaner if we'd bought a dog to lick them after dinner.@tinksaid I did the dishwasher twice today #Untouchable AND just did a 3 mile run #Only3? #Lazy@ben_cameron Me neither, I just want to get the work I've done noticed. I'm happy to pay a percentage for that from industry pros.@ben_cameron I must admit I like to write and hate to tell people about my stuff. Looked for an agent the other day but it's a minefield.I don't know how to 'pimp' my work and sell myself and what I do without sounding daft. Um, my site link is in my bio... please peruse?
Retweeted by Terry Lander@ben_cameron Time for an agent?Hey if you're walking back from Chorlton tram stop to McDonald's Or that area, be careful. So much dog poo. Seriously
Retweeted by Terry LanderLooking back on today I've spent five hours editing, cleaned up a bit and cooked a roast for t'family. #WhattaGuy Night off I reckon.