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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

46,456 Following   28,628,804 Followers   8,760 Tweets

Join Twitter 8/14/08

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It's my 1800th show! I don't have enough characters to share how much fun I've had. Fortunately, I have this montage. http://t.co/2TUj3rGegwHappy birthday, @Kelly_Clarkson! I hope your 3rd trimester is going great, and your 4th trimester goes even better.
4/24
2014
I could not love @RyanLewis more for this. Watch this video, share his story, and donate. https://t.co/XR2OxA9KAKShhh. I'm reading RT @RobinRoberts @TheEllenShow Happy to hear you have my book "Everybody's Got Something". Can't wait to be on your show!.@RobinRoberts has lived an amazing life, and has inspired so many people. I can't wait to read her book. http://t.co/zUsCNQ8bZ2What's an astronaut's favorite meal? Launch. #ClassicJokeWednesdayWhy was the man okay with being bald? He didn't want toupée for hair. #ClassicJokeWednesdayFor #AdministrativeProfessionalsDay, I got Jeannie exactly what she wanted, and Jacqueline exactly what she didn't. http://t.co/nWpwRyrLkfCongratulations, @Lupita_Nyongo! She's People Magazine's #mostbeautiful person. They certainly got that right.
4/23
2014
Keep doing what you're doing. RT @theDHB85 Big Thank You to Ellen & Ellen's Good News for the recognition & article. https://t.co/bhBrUggEBaMarty Cobb surprised a lot of people with her hilarious SWA safety speech. I surprised her with something else. http://t.co/PYaYOyGD2VTurns out there might be a lot of planets that can sustain life. But Earth's the only one w/ drive-thru Starbucks. That counts for somethingOk, turns out we know a lot of planets. My mistake. But, Earth is the only one we know that can sustain life, which is important. Go Earth!#HappyEarthDay! It's so important to celebrate our planet. After all, it's the only planet we know.Welcome to the world, Frankie! Tell your mom, @DrewBarrymore, I want to meet you when you're old enough to hold a juice cup without spillingI won't be visiting the Hotel Bel-Air or the Beverly Hills Hotel until this is resolved. http://t.co/RqQrLBK4EJCheck out the prizes on my Earth Day Show, sponsored by @SeventhGen. http://t.co/egC8xPd7hT This tweet is made entirely of recycled hemp.#HappyEarthDay! This year, I won't use plastic grocery bags. Actually, I won't use bags at all. I'll only buy what I can balance on my head.
4/22
2014
The #NewDay staff just played @TheEllenShow's Heads Up - oh my god. Life will never be the same again.
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresIt's my first ever Meme of the Week! Thanks to @MommyShorts for the adorable photos. http://t.co/GVk64QcLrJScientists found a planet made entirely out of diamonds. I think I figured out where the Kardashians are from.Send me the photos! Well, some of the photos RT @KelseyClarice can't thank Ellen & @StubHub enough for #coachella http://t.co/evon7iDfQXI just heard a rumor that @OfficialAdele's 3rd album is going to be entirely about the #Scandal finale.Baby food never looked so good RT @CherylBurke RT if you think @TheEllenShow & I make amazing @PriceIsRight models! http://t.co/0GesAK4MlQWish I could be there cheering the runners. If you're there & you're reading this, will you yell, "Ellen says woo!"? Thanks. #BostonMarathon
4/21
2014
Happy Easter! Today I'm throwing caution to the wind and putting all my eggs in one basket.
4/20
2014
Happy birthday, @PrincessSGB! Sending you and Rosie a big hug. Love, Your Second-Best Hype Girl..@IMKristenBell said she thought she would do well on the show "Naked and Afraid." I gave her a chance to prove it. http://t.co/gQIQm1hw1R
4/18
2014
.@ChelseaHandler took Buzzfeed's "Which Queen of Comedy Are You?" quiz. Who do you think she got? http://t.co/YgoG9o027y.@ChelseaClinton is going to have a baby! No reports yet if it's a boy or girl, but it did just win a seat in the Illinois General AssemblyIt's #ThrowbackThursday! http://t.co/3cW6h4o7mpThanks to all my new followers! In @TheEllenShow fashion, I wanted to share a selfie with all my famous friends. http://t.co/UAiyuHvff8
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresLove @JasonDerulo's new album. His new @BeatsMusic playlist's perfect for the gym. Or post-lasagna nap. I don't judge http://t.co/xWYfOykuhvI'm excited to start my new favorite show "Escándalo!" It's just "Scandal" with the Spanish dubbing turned on. At least it's something.
4/17
2014
The Gentle Barn is one of the most incredible places. The founder wrote a book about how she created it. http://t.co/2jP2tb76QoWhat is it called when you put your grandmother on speed dial? Instagram.... #ClassicJokeWednesday @TheEllenShow
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresEveryone needs friends like these. Jeannie interviewed them backstage for my Good News Blog on Yahoo. http://t.co/UNVocSWbRlWhat kind of music do chiropractors listen to? Hip-Pop #ClassicJokeWednesday @TheEllenShow
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneres"Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office; I will find you. You have my Word." #ClassicJokeWednesday
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresVice President @JoeBiden is on Instagram. Here come the Oval Office Selfies. http://t.co/mCTYDcC41QToday's edition of Know or Go features @Skype. Enjoy. http://t.co/mz3XEaR9UkIf you love to follow beautiful, hilarious, talented, kind, intelligent women, I'm glad you follow me. Also, you should follow @KateWalsh
4/16
2014
The cast of #Scandal is raffling off a trip to L.A. to have brunch with them. I just entered 6 times. http://t.co/iwtq8VRouT.@BestBuy & @Shutterfly have been helping me surprise deserving people all year long. Thanks for everything you do. https://t.co/B6vawwBtTAI got a pair of tickets from @StubHub to go to #Coachella this weekend. Who wants 'em? Raise your bandana. http://t.co/W4EIFm95Y3I got a pair of Google Glasses! Or is it a Google Glass? I have no idea. Anyway, I got one. http://t.co/GxDubDhhgQIt's official – I’m the top of OUT's Power 50. Thanks to everyone who got me here. Sincerely, Your Leader. http://t.co/i90L1Mlk1eFollow my friend @KateWalsh. She's a wonderful person and I know she'll tweet you right. http://t.co/un0Lux4GdDSending my love to the people of Boston. Your spirit is incredible. #BostonStrongI went to bed before I saw the #BloodMoonEclipse, but I woke up to a lot of tiny, blurry photos of it on Facebook, so I didn't miss a thing
4/15
2014
Follow @KateWalsh on Twitter for thrilling cat videos and occasionally videos like this. https://t.co/qqk3e3eEnqMe and @TheEllenShow #selfieking #selfiequeen wooooooohooooo LOVE HER! http://t.co/iC91inHnvr
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresI love New York. If you don't believe me, click right here. http://t.co/N5uIFvxidS@TheEllenShow it is like musical chairs, but with sex and beheadings. #SoFarOnGameOfThrones
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresMy office smells like patchouli and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Welcome back from #Coachella, y'all.@TheEllenShow Welcome to the realm House DeGeneres. Enjoy your house sigil. #SoFarOnGameOfThrones #GameofThrones http://t.co/O3zQfAktms
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresEveryone's so excited about Game of Thrones, I think I wanna start watching. Can anyone catch me up really quick? #SoFarOnGameOfThrones
4/14
2014
Congrats to @ChanningTatum on winning the Trailblazer award! Little known fact, "Trailblazer" was Channing's stripper name. #MTVMovieAwardsBeautiful speech by my friend @JaredLeto. I love you. #MTVMovieAwardsVery happy to see Veggie Grill on this list. I want one in my living room. http://t.co/qaWpkZjL1Z
4/13
2014
Portia just got out of the car to see what the hold-up was & discovered I drove into a parking lot. Apparently we’re still in LA #CoachellaWe're at a standstill. Someone wheeled up a grocery cart & loaded their car. When they say LA traffic's bad, they ain't kidding #CoachellaPortia says the "GPS" says I went the "wrong way". Apparently someone trusts a robot over my finely-tuned sense of directions. #CoachellaCan't wait to hear all the amazing bands at #Coachella. I've had "Let It Go" stuck in my head for 3 months. Definitely worth the traffic.The traffic getting to #Coachella is crazy! Portia and I have been stuck for 10 minutes. It's like a parking lot out here.Does anyone know if "hosting the Oscars" counts as a deduction?I keep getting emails to change my passwords. I'm not falling for it. I'm sticking with "Portia123" thank you very much.Stop it. Just stop it. http://t.co/fV2mtvXnM4
4/11
2014
Happy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/zPOVY5pxX9I can't wait to see this ink on #Scandal tonight. @guillermodiazyo http://t.co/3F94ZbYqnUI didn't realize President Bush was such a fan. http://t.co/eMcli9HsP1
4/10
2014
What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas. #ClassicJokeWednesdayWhich school do you learn how to greet people? Hi School. #ClassicJokeWednesdayDennis Quaid's birthday is here! Happy birthday DQ. I hope Dennis Quaid has the time of his life.I hope I look that good when I'm you're age. RT Having a late and amazing, final birthday bash with my friends @TheEllenShow #LoveLifeWould I lie to you, Hayley? RT @EllieGoulding :)"@heyhayleyr Is Ellie on Ellen next week or is my tv teasing me? (Wear another cat sweater)"I made a video of some of my favorite @RobLowe movie moments. Well, I didn't, but my gay producer Matt did. Enjoy. http://t.co/vvN9zYyWxoWhy do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze. #ClassicJokeWednesday
4/9
2014
Looking forward to the "Survivor Diaries" tonight on AC360. What an inspiring story. #AdrianneStrong http://t.co/bc2PsgXgkRI love all of my followers equally. That said, only 1 of you is gonna win tkts to the MTV Movie Awards this weekend. http://t.co/QFmUnJLZK2I want to thank @UW for coming to my Twitter challenge! Y'all had so much energy, and that was before the coffee.My writer Lauren dressed up as a person on "Naked and Afraid". Dressed up may be the wrong word #ReasonstoLoveLauren http://t.co/L7bQvfov2TThanks to @JonathanQuick32 of the @LAKings for surprising young piano prodigy Daniel Clark Bouchard. He was a big fan. Now I am, too.It's #EqualPayDay2014! I support equal pay. Everyone at my show gets paid the exact same amount. Excuse me, I'm being told that's not true.
4/8
2014
I think we could all be a little more like Deb Cohan. Jeannie interviewed her for my Good News Blog on @YahooShine. http://t.co/MPLlCrFEgm.@AloeBlacc is the man. http://t.co/nExODBfdLmIf you're in Seattle, get to Rainier Vista at @UW now. We have a huge crowd. It's gonna be awesome. You're gonna be on my show today.Hey Seattle, I want you dressed up as Seattle's Best! Whatever that means to you. But if I don't see a Space Needle, I'll be disappointed.Way to go Kentucky & UCONN! I’ll be watching tonight. Now it's down to my final 4 audience dancers! http://t.co/n9DiRzo2EuI wanna see Seattle's best at Rainier Vista at @UW today at 2:30pm. There are gonna be some big prizes!My crew says it's a beautiful day in Seattle @UW. I can't wait to see it live from my studio. &anyone who shows up there, of course. 2:30pm!Today's the day, Seattle! Grab some @SeattlesBest coffee to get ready and follow my tweets for the deets!
4/7
2014
In Washington, DC with some of our fav supporters! #selfie @TheEllenShow @DrNealBarnard @westin_georgtwn http://t.co/LnIN0ccnAL
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresOn Monday, @SeattlesBest and I are gonna be lookin' for some of Seattle's best. If you've ever wanted to be on my show, clear your schedule.
4/5
2014
You might need one more thing before you start your day. http://t.co/u1z8B0RsS4I hope you're planning a great weekend. If you're near @UW Seattle, get lots of rest, because I may have a surprise for you on Monday.If you missed today's show, here are 3 of my favorite people: Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield & @IamJamieFoxx. I love 'em http://t.co/ahGMAY1d4FStephanie works on my show. Stephanie loves @LukeBryanOnline. Stephanie will never be the same. http://t.co/tVrXkcvKVEThe cast of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is, well, amazing. https://t.co/wV1qJZrlz3My Bigger Dance competition is in full swing! It's narrowed down to our top 8 dancers. Vote for your favorite, here! http://t.co/7jEebmDb5D
4/4
2014
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