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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

46,456 Following   28,628,804 Followers   8,760 Tweets

Join Twitter 8/14/08

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It's my 1800th show! I don't have enough characters to share how much fun I've had. Fortunately, I have this montage. http://t.co/2TUj3rGegwHappy birthday, @Kelly_Clarkson! I hope your 3rd trimester is going great, and your 4th trimester goes even better.
I could not love @RyanLewis more for this. Watch this video, share his story, and donate. https://t.co/XR2OxA9KAKShhh. I'm reading RT @RobinRoberts @TheEllenShow Happy to hear you have my book "Everybody's Got Something". Can't wait to be on your show!.@RobinRoberts has lived an amazing life, and has inspired so many people. I can't wait to read her book. http://t.co/zUsCNQ8bZ2What's an astronaut's favorite meal? Launch. #ClassicJokeWednesdayWhy was the man okay with being bald? He didn't want toupée for hair. #ClassicJokeWednesdayFor #AdministrativeProfessionalsDay, I got Jeannie exactly what she wanted, and Jacqueline exactly what she didn't. http://t.co/nWpwRyrLkfCongratulations, @Lupita_Nyongo! She's People Magazine's #mostbeautiful person. They certainly got that right.
Keep doing what you're doing. RT @theDHB85 Big Thank You to Ellen & Ellen's Good News for the recognition & article. https://t.co/bhBrUggEBaMarty Cobb surprised a lot of people with her hilarious SWA safety speech. I surprised her with something else. http://t.co/PYaYOyGD2VTurns out there might be a lot of planets that can sustain life. But Earth's the only one w/ drive-thru Starbucks. That counts for somethingOk, turns out we know a lot of planets. My mistake. But, Earth is the only one we know that can sustain life, which is important. Go Earth!#HappyEarthDay! It's so important to celebrate our planet. After all, it's the only planet we know.Welcome to the world, Frankie! Tell your mom, @DrewBarrymore, I want to meet you when you're old enough to hold a juice cup without spillingI won't be visiting the Hotel Bel-Air or the Beverly Hills Hotel until this is resolved. http://t.co/RqQrLBK4EJCheck out the prizes on my Earth Day Show, sponsored by @SeventhGen. http://t.co/egC8xPd7hT This tweet is made entirely of recycled hemp.#HappyEarthDay! This year, I won't use plastic grocery bags. Actually, I won't use bags at all. I'll only buy what I can balance on my head.
The #NewDay staff just played @TheEllenShow's Heads Up - oh my god. Life will never be the same again.
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresIt's my first ever Meme of the Week! Thanks to @MommyShorts for the adorable photos. http://t.co/GVk64QcLrJScientists found a planet made entirely out of diamonds. I think I figured out where the Kardashians are from.Send me the photos! Well, some of the photos RT @KelseyClarice can't thank Ellen & @StubHub enough for #coachella http://t.co/evon7iDfQXI just heard a rumor that @OfficialAdele's 3rd album is going to be entirely about the #Scandal finale.Baby food never looked so good RT @CherylBurke RT if you think @TheEllenShow & I make amazing @PriceIsRight models! http://t.co/0GesAK4MlQWish I could be there cheering the runners. If you're there & you're reading this, will you yell, "Ellen says woo!"? Thanks. #BostonMarathon
Happy Easter! Today I'm throwing caution to the wind and putting all my eggs in one basket.
Happy birthday, @PrincessSGB! Sending you and Rosie a big hug. Love, Your Second-Best Hype Girl..@IMKristenBell said she thought she would do well on the show "Naked and Afraid." I gave her a chance to prove it. http://t.co/gQIQm1hw1R
.@ChelseaHandler took Buzzfeed's "Which Queen of Comedy Are You?" quiz. Who do you think she got? http://t.co/YgoG9o027y.@ChelseaClinton is going to have a baby! No reports yet if it's a boy or girl, but it did just win a seat in the Illinois General AssemblyIt's #ThrowbackThursday! http://t.co/3cW6h4o7mpThanks to all my new followers! In @TheEllenShow fashion, I wanted to share a selfie with all my famous friends. http://t.co/UAiyuHvff8
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresLove @JasonDerulo's new album. His new @BeatsMusic playlist's perfect for the gym. Or post-lasagna nap. I don't judge http://t.co/xWYfOykuhvI'm excited to start my new favorite show "Escándalo!" It's just "Scandal" with the Spanish dubbing turned on. At least it's something.
The Gentle Barn is one of the most incredible places. The founder wrote a book about how she created it. http://t.co/2jP2tb76QoWhat is it called when you put your grandmother on speed dial? Instagram.... #ClassicJokeWednesday @TheEllenShow
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresEveryone needs friends like these. Jeannie interviewed them backstage for my Good News Blog on Yahoo. http://t.co/UNVocSWbRlWhat kind of music do chiropractors listen to? Hip-Pop #ClassicJokeWednesday @TheEllenShow
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneres"Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office; I will find you. You have my Word." #ClassicJokeWednesday
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresVice President @JoeBiden is on Instagram. Here come the Oval Office Selfies. http://t.co/mCTYDcC41QToday's edition of Know or Go features @Skype. Enjoy. http://t.co/mz3XEaR9UkIf you love to follow beautiful, hilarious, talented, kind, intelligent women, I'm glad you follow me. Also, you should follow @KateWalsh
The cast of #Scandal is raffling off a trip to L.A. to have brunch with them. I just entered 6 times. http://t.co/iwtq8VRouT.@BestBuy & @Shutterfly have been helping me surprise deserving people all year long. Thanks for everything you do. https://t.co/B6vawwBtTAI got a pair of tickets from @StubHub to go to #Coachella this weekend. Who wants 'em? Raise your bandana. http://t.co/W4EIFm95Y3I got a pair of Google Glasses! Or is it a Google Glass? I have no idea. Anyway, I got one. http://t.co/GxDubDhhgQIt's official – I’m the top of OUT's Power 50. Thanks to everyone who got me here. Sincerely, Your Leader. http://t.co/i90L1Mlk1eFollow my friend @KateWalsh. She's a wonderful person and I know she'll tweet you right. http://t.co/un0Lux4GdDSending my love to the people of Boston. Your spirit is incredible. #BostonStrongI went to bed before I saw the #BloodMoonEclipse, but I woke up to a lot of tiny, blurry photos of it on Facebook, so I didn't miss a thing
Follow @KateWalsh on Twitter for thrilling cat videos and occasionally videos like this. https://t.co/qqk3e3eEnqMe and @TheEllenShow #selfieking #selfiequeen wooooooohooooo LOVE HER! http://t.co/iC91inHnvr
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresI love New York. If you don't believe me, click right here. http://t.co/N5uIFvxidS@TheEllenShow it is like musical chairs, but with sex and beheadings. #SoFarOnGameOfThrones
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresMy office smells like patchouli and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Welcome back from #Coachella, y'all.@TheEllenShow Welcome to the realm House DeGeneres. Enjoy your house sigil. #SoFarOnGameOfThrones #GameofThrones http://t.co/O3zQfAktms
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresEveryone's so excited about Game of Thrones, I think I wanna start watching. Can anyone catch me up really quick? #SoFarOnGameOfThrones
Congrats to @ChanningTatum on winning the Trailblazer award! Little known fact, "Trailblazer" was Channing's stripper name. #MTVMovieAwardsBeautiful speech by my friend @JaredLeto. I love you. #MTVMovieAwardsVery happy to see Veggie Grill on this list. I want one in my living room. http://t.co/qaWpkZjL1Z
Portia just got out of the car to see what the hold-up was & discovered I drove into a parking lot. Apparently we’re still in LA #CoachellaWe're at a standstill. Someone wheeled up a grocery cart & loaded their car. When they say LA traffic's bad, they ain't kidding #CoachellaPortia says the "GPS" says I went the "wrong way". Apparently someone trusts a robot over my finely-tuned sense of directions. #CoachellaCan't wait to hear all the amazing bands at #Coachella. I've had "Let It Go" stuck in my head for 3 months. Definitely worth the traffic.The traffic getting to #Coachella is crazy! Portia and I have been stuck for 10 minutes. It's like a parking lot out here.Does anyone know if "hosting the Oscars" counts as a deduction?I keep getting emails to change my passwords. I'm not falling for it. I'm sticking with "Portia123" thank you very much.Stop it. Just stop it. http://t.co/fV2mtvXnM4
Happy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/zPOVY5pxX9I can't wait to see this ink on #Scandal tonight. @guillermodiazyo http://t.co/3F94ZbYqnUI didn't realize President Bush was such a fan. http://t.co/eMcli9HsP1
What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas. #ClassicJokeWednesdayWhich school do you learn how to greet people? Hi School. #ClassicJokeWednesdayDennis Quaid's birthday is here! Happy birthday DQ. I hope Dennis Quaid has the time of his life.I hope I look that good when I'm you're age. RT Having a late and amazing, final birthday bash with my friends @TheEllenShow #LoveLifeWould I lie to you, Hayley? RT @EllieGoulding :)"@heyhayleyr Is Ellie on Ellen next week or is my tv teasing me? (Wear another cat sweater)"I made a video of some of my favorite @RobLowe movie moments. Well, I didn't, but my gay producer Matt did. Enjoy. http://t.co/vvN9zYyWxoWhy do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze. #ClassicJokeWednesday
Looking forward to the "Survivor Diaries" tonight on AC360. What an inspiring story. #AdrianneStrong http://t.co/bc2PsgXgkRI love all of my followers equally. That said, only 1 of you is gonna win tkts to the MTV Movie Awards this weekend. http://t.co/QFmUnJLZK2I want to thank @UW for coming to my Twitter challenge! Y'all had so much energy, and that was before the coffee.My writer Lauren dressed up as a person on "Naked and Afraid". Dressed up may be the wrong word #ReasonstoLoveLauren http://t.co/L7bQvfov2TThanks to @JonathanQuick32 of the @LAKings for surprising young piano prodigy Daniel Clark Bouchard. He was a big fan. Now I am, too.It's #EqualPayDay2014! I support equal pay. Everyone at my show gets paid the exact same amount. Excuse me, I'm being told that's not true.
I think we could all be a little more like Deb Cohan. Jeannie interviewed her for my Good News Blog on @YahooShine. http://t.co/MPLlCrFEgm.@AloeBlacc is the man. http://t.co/nExODBfdLmIf you're in Seattle, get to Rainier Vista at @UW now. We have a huge crowd. It's gonna be awesome. You're gonna be on my show today.Hey Seattle, I want you dressed up as Seattle's Best! Whatever that means to you. But if I don't see a Space Needle, I'll be disappointed.Way to go Kentucky & UCONN! I’ll be watching tonight. Now it's down to my final 4 audience dancers! http://t.co/n9DiRzo2EuI wanna see Seattle's best at Rainier Vista at @UW today at 2:30pm. There are gonna be some big prizes!My crew says it's a beautiful day in Seattle @UW. I can't wait to see it live from my studio. &anyone who shows up there, of course. 2:30pm!Today's the day, Seattle! Grab some @SeattlesBest coffee to get ready and follow my tweets for the deets!
In Washington, DC with some of our fav supporters! #selfie @TheEllenShow @DrNealBarnard @westin_georgtwn http://t.co/LnIN0ccnAL
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresOn Monday, @SeattlesBest and I are gonna be lookin' for some of Seattle's best. If you've ever wanted to be on my show, clear your schedule.
You might need one more thing before you start your day. http://t.co/u1z8B0RsS4I hope you're planning a great weekend. If you're near @UW Seattle, get lots of rest, because I may have a surprise for you on Monday.If you missed today's show, here are 3 of my favorite people: Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield & @IamJamieFoxx. I love 'em http://t.co/ahGMAY1d4FStephanie works on my show. Stephanie loves @LukeBryanOnline. Stephanie will never be the same. http://t.co/tVrXkcvKVEThe cast of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is, well, amazing. https://t.co/wV1qJZrlz3My Bigger Dance competition is in full swing! It's narrowed down to our top 8 dancers. Vote for your favorite, here! http://t.co/7jEebmDb5D
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