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Come on Dortmund

Fuck off Selena, get Will Smith back on the mic #freshprince #grahamnortonNooooooo way did Will Smith just bring out Carlton for a dance, this is the best Graham Norton ever #freshprinceWill Smith is sooo cool and just doesn't age #grahamnortonIsn't it ironic that the best rapper's white and the best golfer's black

Just got two retweets, waiting on the buttermarket to ask me to do a meet and greet nowFucking hell I've got some thick cunts on my Facebook, there's a difference between race and religion #unfriendtime

Iggy Azalea's ass tho

Celebrating like we've won the league when in reality we've only got 4th place #Arsenal #AFCWheyyyyyyy fuck off Spurs, North London is red #AFC #GOYGHugeeeee game, come on Arsenal #AFC

I have the biggest man crush on Shia Labeouf #lovehim #WallStreetSaturdays are shit without football

Just when you think YMCMB couldn't get any worse, Soulja Boy signs to them

Is it possible for people to go to Nando's without checking in, it's become like Starbucks, a fashion statement #nobodycares

Hope Ramsey scores and Mike Dean dies #cuntMassive game, come on Arsenal #AFCRoberts Martinez is such a nice man, hope he moves to a bigger clubEven dogs love a bit of Eminem http://t.co/jUmhbahzH4

Fucking hell, never did I think I'd live in a time that people went mad for Coke bottles that have a name on them #sad

Hope Scholes gets on the score sheet #legend

When it hasn't been you day, your week, your month, or even your yearrrr #FriendsMarathon

Fingerless gloves make Ian Beale look even more like a sexual predator than normal #EastendersSending a snapchat to the wrong person #nightmare

Rob Kardashian had piled on the pounds, even his brother Khloe was never that big #fatty

Love a bit of Miss Congeniality #sandrabullock

@Jonesy1490 @nickjames_1 won't be as enjoyable without you both to look after me #owemetwentybucks@Jonesy1490 @nickjames_1 #frailshttp://t.co/MYZhzRum9C
Retweeted by Ash KevilleJumping on the bank holiday band wagon #beers

I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it first I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it firstThe last day of the season never disappoints #madness #hull #watford

People getting their nasty toes and feet out in this weather, that's that shit I don't like@charlcookson you love anything that's welsh! Didn't know he was actually a singer, still don't like him though #emotionaltampon

Even when he's not singing, the Go Compare advert man is still annoying as fuck

Sergio Ramos is a fine specimen of a man #notgay

After almost castrating myself, I think it's time I veet my balls instead of shaving them@taylorswift13 alright Taylor I'm nearly 22 You don't know im trouble, so how about we just get back together?
Retweeted by Ash KevilleNot happy @selenagomez has got back with the Biebs

Good win for the #Bulls Nate Robinson came up big #NBAPlayoffs

http://t.co/W8BzrMNFaQ
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I hope Neil Buchanan doesn't turn out to be a paedo, that'll be my childhood ruined #ArtAttack #TheHead@Jonesy1490 yeah I've just accepted I'm a fucking mess! More importantly... @kendricklamar in July? #mrmuscleSilver Linings Playbook is the best film i've seen in a while, Jennifer Lawrence is perfect

Just when you think Will Smith and his family can't get any cooler, his son starts banging a Kardashian #dogg

Just been getting my Gwen Stefani on #hollabackgirl #woohooyeehoo #ifiwasarichgirl@AmandaBynes what a fucking mess you are

8 Mile is on again, be rude not to watch it #313http://t.co/7ZGXfHeg2J
Retweeted by Ash Keville@WizardKeville really missed you running round Monty's topless last night lad #tanked
Retweeted by Ash Keville@Jonesy1490 haha don't worry, Shrewsburys answer to Arnie Schwarzenegger will be topless in montys soon #stackedLove seeing the 'hot' girls from school looking rough as fuck@nickjames_1 off his tits mate hes gone proper wizard on us
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@xDannix86 hahah, just think of the discount!

Not looking forward to all the 4/20 posts tomorrow

Hard to believe Brittany Murphy died #8MileYou beat around the bush like your scared to lick pussy so you eat around the tush, 8 mile is the best

Would love to have seen the Tupac hologram at Coachella, don't think the crowd appreciated what they were witnessing #history@_AmyLouiseLewis me too, Sundays and Wednesdays just aren't the same, still haven't gotten over Mikes death!@nickjames_1 just had to run round my house topless just for it to feel like a normal Wednesday

Gwarn Wilshere LAD
Retweeted by Ash KevilleCome on Arsenal #AFC

Not shocked at anything that happens in this fucking sick world anymore #BostonThe MILF porn category just aint what it used to be, I blame teen pregnancies

The chokey #matilda #childhoodfearsGotta go see @kendricklamar in July, legend in the making #GKMCDaryl Dixon doesn't try to survive in the zombie apocalypse, walkers try to survive Daryl Dixon in the apocalypse #WalkingDeadDaryl Dixon is the coolest character in television history #WalkingDead

Need Breaking Bad, Homeland and The Walking Dead back in my life

Desperate Housewives and chocolate milk have made this hangover bearableI dont listen to Kendrick Lamar
Retweeted by Ash Keville@JoeCurzon93 I'm not drinking for a while either mate, fucks with ya head! Is a night out in shrews ever good hahaAfter last nigh I can safely say, I'm a fucking mess

My cat touches my boobs more than I do.
Retweeted by Ash KevilleWish E4 still showed Friends@piersmorgan If you take a shit before a shower, do you still have to wipe ya ass? #askpiers

Pac told me fuck the world, I'm bout to cum now@JoellOrtiz do your balls shrink when jogging #minedoMilfs in Yoga pants, doing squats, run the gym.
Retweeted by Ash Keville@JoeCurzon93 true, they're all full of shitHow is it, that all old people know each other #buswanker

If the Undertaker ever loses at Wrestlemania i'll swim over to America and tombstone Vince McMahon #undefeatedRussell Wesrbrook is my favourite ninja turtle #OKC #NBA@fmuamba what a game Ibaka is having so far

I love Cesc, I miss Cesc
Retweeted by Ash KevilleAt least the Arsenal won, big 3 points #AFC88th minute goal fucked my accumulator, one team fucked my goals galore #baddayDon't get horse racing, i'm just guna pick the one with best sounding name #grandnational

@alicejames12 @tissoldham oh no it actually happened, thought I dreamt it #quietone

If anyone's wondering why my lips are looking luscious, it's cause I've got strawberry chap stick on #mmm

@Jonesy1490 hahah that's decentttttRemember when people wrote interesting Facebook status'... Neither do IAdam Morrison #GreatestLakerBrushing your teeth before having breakfast is like wiping your ass before having a shit.
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@WizardKeville @Jonesy1490 big dogs http://t.co/k8FsFxzLRf
Retweeted by Ash Keville@Jonesy1490 http://t.co/52NmyZNyPPFull Ham kicked 3 Goalshots past the Power Rangerd in the first semi phase! Coach Jolly may have a real big smile on his Danish head. #epl
Retweeted by Ash Keville@alicejames12 ergh, what a messLiver has been fucked balls deep this weekend #bankholiday

I don't remember the part of the story where Jesus hid Easter eggs #commercialshit