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To this day, I am incapable of eating fava beans without doing a bad Hannibal Lecter impression first.

What’s the Sexiest Part of Your Body? You Might Be Surprised - It’s Your Genitalia! #ThisMonthInCosmo

Wanna hear what I REALLY think about @stevemartintogo? http://t.co/RTRgxqUFSTMark your calendars – I will be doing my first official Reddit IAmA on June 27 at 5:00 PM EST!

Thrilled to be in the GQ Comedy Issue with my pals @thelonelyisland! http://t.co/mZAFrbcwfGWatch @arnettwill @alyankovic @bigboyler @iamjohnoliver and others try to guess the identity of our June cover star: http://t.co/grTXmA1WLp
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My new kids book is finally coming out next month! Please feel free to pre-order it, if you're so inclined: http://t.co/1mG2AJo0PQHold down voice button & say "Play Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic". Model S can play almost any song via Internet.
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I see what I did there. http://t.co/1SuwDdatPG

WWI: Between Two Ferns/Spring Break Anthem! #WACKWEDNESDAYS http://t.co/weiAbxsiw0
Retweeted by Al YankovicWhenever I see a guy with a really huge penis, I always yell, “Sorry about your car!”

Make sure to have “BRB” inscribed at the bottom of your tombstone. #PuttingTheFunBackInFuneralYes!! FINALLY I get billed above the Swine Festival! http://t.co/QPAYuzD8sJ

That "Complimentary Valet Parking" sign was kinda misleading. They charged me $10 - but DID say "Nice car!"

Celebrating Cinco de Mayo the traditional way (eating 5 jars of mayonnaise).

Back in the studio this month recording 3 new songs for my next album! http://t.co/pYO1ZzDBFP

Whoa. Just found out about the "Citizen Kane" curse. Turns out virtually everyone involved with that movie is now DEAD. #Spooky

Looks like I'm performing opposite @rkelly and @billyidol at @Bonnaroo. Maybe we should just form a supergroup instead?

To all my old high school teachers who said I’d never be a guitar-playing Klingon: You were SO WRONG. http://t.co/oSV8CIWJ4J

If you'd like to chat, for the next 30 minutes I'll be at this airport phone booth: (206)248-9173.

Had some trouble coming back over the Canadian border - 3 of my band members tested positive for poutine.

Looks like Canada Customs accidentally left one of their drug detection dogs on our bus. Welcome to the tour, Sniffy!

Nice ink! http://t.co/V8HrwPTO4u

Roof covered with solar panels? Check. Brand new Tesla in garage? Check. Insufferably smug? Checkity check!

Got my choices narrowed down for a new phone cover but... so hard to decide! http://t.co/nBcj2ezn2J

I’m starting to suspect that my new bus driver is the “old looper” version of @ericstonestreet. #CloseTheLoopEric http://t.co/WTtLwlQWEO

My friend @paulscheer and I both decided to get new haircuts. http://t.co/x6OcXvgRL4

So excited - I'm one of the first people to try out the new Google glasses! http://t.co/6VoORsH3yf

Are you ready for your Mystery Date? http://t.co/zHUNyZ7NzC

Please help so the Dr. Demento documentary can get made! http://t.co/6zA4d3Rsyt
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.@pattonoswalt I WOULD do "Accidental Nazi" but I'm not sure I could get Mel Brooks to do the rapping part.

If you only watch one show about cupcakes this year, make it tonight's Weird Al-themed episode of Cupcake Wars on the Food Network.

At an airport phone booth - if you'd like to chat, for the next 30 minutes I'll be at (808)871-9398!I'm not allowed to give any details, but yesterday I did some stuff... with some guys... for a thing! It'll be out in the future!

Didn't you hear? This week's pod features singing by @NathanFillion @Busyphilipps25 @alyankovic & ALL the WJ Players! http://t.co/9hZRKdaDBW
Retweeted by Al YankovicWow, some people REALLY can't take a joke. http://t.co/x0PgPyyFOA

LESSON LEARNED: Never park your rental car under an avocado tree. http://t.co/1jS6Ry8Ca7

On this most sacred of holidays, let the pity of Mr. T wash over you like a waterfall on a warm summer’s day.

I'd like to wish all my confused Jewish friends dyeing Easter eggs today a Happy PAASover.

Hanksy brings celebrity puns to LA http://t.co/0LYDMMNPBC
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Bunch of Crows, She Wrote #FirstDraftTVShows

@clydetombaugh Not at all - I'm sure my family won't mind. I'll have my will adjusted accordingly.Siesta Time. http://t.co/LhZFWZJ7pA

Enjoying nature. http://t.co/u11pi27pMz

Good idea. I mean, how much do we REALLY know about Barbara and Marvin Davis?? http://t.co/ImXpw38xpC

Key & Yank http://t.co/CU4ix8bhJR

If I order a pizza to be delivered, common civility dictates that sooner or later I will need to PUT ON MY PANTS. #quandry

Looks like my core demographic has shifted. According to my @ mentions, I'm now EXTREMELY popular with Russian spam-bots. #Здравствуйте

The world will witness the birth of a new supergroup: Mumford and the Blowfish #BonnarooPredictions

My daughter had 6 teeth pulled. FINALLY I can finish that charm bracelet. http://t.co/vuRqzI9yzt

There’s no emoticon for the extremely specific way I’m feeling right now.

Not-so-great news for the folks (like me!) who have been working on Star Wars: Detours http://t.co/nJN7iTyNfW Hopefully it'll air SOMEday!

Hmmm, it DOES seem like I've seen this somewhere before... RT @Laporkra http://t.co/RfzmEhR8uR … Didn't you invent this?

Bird music http://t.co/9iMdPaeBhY

At home recuperating and enjoying family game night. http://t.co/jtLZbovPNlPwned that laparoscopic cholecystectomy! http://t.co/9mh5ot7kVUI'm live-tweeting my gallbladder surgery! This is awesome!! http://t.co/i3qnS6NBiC

Just did a thing. With this guy. http://t.co/brsyzYhfMm

Remember that time I auditioned for The Postal Service? http://t.co/gyg2LdMVE0

I'm having my gall bladder removed on Thursday. And eBay bidding starts in 3... 2...

Just checked the fridge - we're all out of grapefruit juice. Thanks a LOT, sequester! #HarlemShake #KONY20121 HOUR LEFT http://t.co/lSDQDcgGUH FOR THE LOVE OF MY FLEETING SANITY, PLEASE DONATE. Coming up? @Scharpling and @AlYankovic and sleep.
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"The Bitter Buddha", @eddiepepitone Doc featuring @galifianakisz @pattonoswalt now on iTunes here: http://t.co/cI68UoNLA5 @alyankovic
Retweeted by Al Yankovic.@Pontifex Okay, your joke about Quvenzhané Wallis was totally out of line, but you didn't have to go and delete your whole Twitter account!“Dude! You’ll never guess who’s on my flight! Hitler!!” #IfTheyHadCellPhonesInThe30s

Maybe "Dare To Be Stupid" should be our new National Anthem? http://t.co/5p2V9WHW6m

What’s the politically correct term these days - is it “Eskimo little people” or “Inuidgets”?New @ComedyBangBang podcast is here, with "Weird" @alyankovic & @PFTompkins! THE VICAR OF YANKS: http://t.co/bxupO1oLm4
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BTW, "Spielberg" is what I sarcastically call Ang Lee. #StillBatting1000 #OscarsBTW, “Grumpy Cat” is my nickname for Christoph Waltz. Private joke between the two of us. #OscarsI can’t stay up late tonight, so congrats in advance to Argo, Spielberg, Danny Lewis, Jenny Lawrence, Annie Hathaway and Grumpy Cat. #Oscars

I would NOT have done well in the military. I’d always be saying things like “SIR LET’S JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE SIR!!!”

My people! http://t.co/0PhnMSEehfOops, apparently that joke was made on Newreaders, which is a very funny show on Adult Swim that you should be watching.“I’m EXACTLY THE RIGHT AGE for this sh*t!!” #UnusedActionMovieCatchphrases

"Pachelbel? More like HACKelbel!" - Jealous 17th century composers[American Voices] "Paul McCartney's got to be thrilled for the chance to share a stage with Marcus Mumford." http://t.co/41fKCgJJYr
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Just started giving my daughter piano lessons. No pressure. http://t.co/W4eFgIHLA couple highlights from #BLAM: http://t.co/ujumo7mI http://t.co/QdVRfj1n

.@alyankovic will help unveil the 2013 #Bonnaroo lineup in a livestream today at 1PM EST: http://t.co/3H07j6J5
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Sorry, but in good conscience I can't celebrate Presidents Day. #BiteMeMillardFillmore #YouKnowWhatYouDidYo @Pontifex, got your notes on my “Pope House” reality show treatment. Will lose the hot tub confessional, no prob. Let’s pitch this thing!

I will not PLAY BY YOUR RULES. http://t.co/zxiFGsZP

Several years ago I made a dumb joke about Hollywood doing a dark, gritty, big-budget version of “Jack & the Beanstalk” ha ha ha guess what.

It’s been several months… isn’t it time to reboot the Spider-Man franchise again?

Meet my body double: http://t.co/3pE8Ez67

When’s the #Bonnaroo 2013 lineup announcement?!? What is BLAM? Here's the info straight from @alyankovic's mouth http://t.co/oIcQA4rX
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I finally found a way to get 200 of the best comedians in one place: my photo book. Check it out on Kickstarter now http://t.co/kg04mVl6
Retweeted by Al Yankovic.@Pontifex I've already told you, I am NOT interested in the job. Please stop DM-ing me.Hey @frank_ocean, next time do this one: http://t.co/otLk9s5QHappy 10th Birthday to my favorite human, @ninayankovic. #DecaDaughter

"Ah! He was probably getting the ball player's odd name confused with the commonly-used relative pronoun!" - Abbott in a reflective moment

I know I'm pale, but they ALWAYS over-do it with the makeup at these photo shoots. http://t.co/NnsAYWhi

Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. http://t.co/JZ6rcUBq

My interview with Dee Snider: http://t.co/I6rZt9Rx

The music video for "Go Viral" (from the comedy musical web series #LearningTown), feat. @alyankovic: http://t.co/O967qHsl
Retweeted by Al YankovicEpisode 4 or #LearningTown is up! Oddly enough, @alyankovic is the most normal thing in this episode. http://t.co/xCmV78Bq
Retweeted by Al YankovicIf you have a burning hatred of me that engulfs every fiber of your being, we can’t be friends.

Nice job, @Beyonce. Could’ve used more Segways, accordions and singing Amish people, but still.If I were performing at halftime, I would be SO NERVOUS RIGHT NOW instead of eating nachos in my pajamas.