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Fred Beukema @beukema Minneapolis, MN

Struct Eng, Improv, husband/dad. || You may think that you crave true love, but it is not a game for cowards. Neither is Scrabble. - Onion horoscopes

193 Following   399 Followers   4,725 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/3/09

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This is delightful: https://t.co/6VhjHdbpip@section_sign If you tap without rhythm, you won't attract the worm. Or the ire of your coworkers.@section_sign I have some spare carpet tiles in my cube that you can slip into the offender's footspace when they're out!@section_sign Blerg city.@section_sign Is the room carpeted? Audible toe-tapping is a problem that should not exist.@section_sign I thought about saying cube, but didn't want to assume. Thought office could be taken more broadly. Sorry on both counts.@section_sign By you, or an office neighbor?It's a shame that classic rock radio's racism has kept it from embracing Prince. "Purple Rain" is a "Comfortably Numb 2" waiting to happen.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@AprilTrubody @tvoti <squinty Philip Fry image macro> Equally a problem for anti-smoking advocates, or those who hate nuclear physics.
8/28
2015
@BarbAbney So they weren't covering Herbie Hancock?@tvoti Chain-watching?Holy shit you guys, Sylvia Plath has been calling people basic since 1950. Pioneer bitch! http://t.co/NY83Y3vh7I
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob @Hellendrung Not even apropos of the Fair: CORN DOGS@sepinwall I didn't know @PFTompkins was in it!
8/27
2015
@MyLittleBloggie One side keeps saying we need to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, move the needle. Other says we will do nothing. Uncivilized. [2/2]@MyLittleBloggie That it's fitting into the pattern? Sure, of course (if you mean something else, please help me back on track). But: [1/2]Seriously, Bob, how can you say that? http://t.co/QLR6NNt1NN @MyLittleBloggie@MyLittleBloggie Not unlike the predictability that there will be another mass or public shooting soon.Notice how we never knew #TrayvonMartin went to Space Camp. how media shapes black boy narratives. #GeorgeZimmerman http://t.co/18NjL0fwz2
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@AdamSerwer Are your cats litter mates, or adopted separately?Here's a tip. This is America, there is never a good time for your scheduled pro-gun tweet. Someone just got shot. Always.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaWhat if… prescriptions had simple waiting periods, and guns were wildly overpriced and involved a gauntlet of predatory insurance companies?
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
8/26
2015
@section_sign An overkind way to put it.I mean if the media's gonna continue to acquiesce to Trump, then he should be culture-jammed day and night. Every minute a camera is on.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaI'm not talking vanilla Code Pink junk. Full on Andy Kaufman yippee-type tits-&-ass guerrilla theater between Trump & every camera lens 24/7
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaRich bosses *really believe* their employees love them. It's amazing.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaNever forget. https://t.co/tdHCOGqJtW@mikefotis @Iveyawards I'm a pretty big figure in the puppet/magic comedy world, so you'll be paid in exposure to taco vendors.@mikefotis For those of us who aren't @Iveyawards, what are your rates?@section_sign @dbrauer I prefer "textured wall paint remover" or "fine dirty particulate generator."If anyone was truly Pro-Life, teachers would make six-figure salaries.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign 13.122. You had the technical elements, but didn't stick the landing. Also, the Romanian judge is a dick.Worst offense: being hack as fuck. https://t.co/W2MJjSZk1U
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@jillybee72 I'm relieved to know that the creators of the format intended it to be like the peanut butter. A secure sense of righteousness.@section_sign Surprised to hear this. We don't print in color super-frequently, but it is a must-have feature, as is the scanner.@section_sign Perfectly rational! Ink carts cost less than toner, inkjet does color. Inkjet breaks, replacement in kind is cheap.@leighalexander Games like this are important, thank you for sharing it. Also, for your consideration: http://t.co/LBVmiclqT0
8/25
2015
@theseantcollins Almost whiplash-inducing.Ferguson Judge Orders Withdrawal Of All Arrest Warrants Before 2015 http://t.co/HaqSG4qkKI http://t.co/JsNufgvgqj
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@thegynomite Nice. I was late by about a decade for Minneapolis' big national music moment.@thegynomite Between them & Ben Folds Five, it was a very NC time in my musical interests.@thegynomite Love that band. I spent my first semester at Grinnell unsuccessfully lobbying the Concerts committee to bring them to campus.Men are too emotional to handle global markets.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@dbrauer Holy cats -- Trivedi's new lawyer is a college classmate of mine."The current language of educational reform...tends to approach education as if history had never happened" @jelani9 http://t.co/TvI2LUuY8p
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@MyLittleBloggie Just ten active from a game, or the whole 40-man roster?
8/24
2015
@section_sign Who was it?@kumailn Is that George Zimmerman in the vest?Can't buy a new car for $150? Not a car shortage. If you can't hire a teacher 4 poor wages & work conditions, that's not a teacher shortage
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
8/23
2015
@theseantcollins and Animal Practice!
8/22
2015
@dbrauer Huh. Would have guessed legacy of multi-sort, myself.@dbrauer Such mixed feelings when MPIRG calls with an anti-HERC campaign. Waste-to-energy vs. imagined zero-waste? Easy. WTE vs landfill...?@dbrauer I think it all comes down to the economic engine of Mary Jo Copeland's Sharing and Caring Hands. No -- Met Transit HQ! No -- Lee's!
8/21
2015
Seems @nero’s skills in organized misogyny transfer well to racism. Well on his way to being a four-quadrant oppressor. #egot #shaunking@tanehisicoates If I should dive into the Gold Boxes, where should I start? Pools of Radiance? Eye of the Beholder?
8/20
2015
You've got to be fucking kidding me. https://t.co/zGowg8uuiM@jimhammerand @mashable @JN_eggert Savior actually won a precinct (the VA home) in the last Minneapolis mayoral race.@CalebMcEwen @braillewhale I still consider giving your name to the Tokyo TGI Fridays as one of the best/worst things I've done.@stoatno1 @section_sign @jamrockstar I'm a muggle, too, but married into this stuff and ended up watching the movies.@cwethern @johnmoe Have been shocked, watching 1969-1987ish episodes with kid, at how they did not sweep grownups' negativity under the rug.@stoatno1 @section_sign @jamrockstar Golden Snitch?
8/19
2015
MLK's hate mail. 1. What about black on black crime. 2. You're responsible for the riots. 3. An "ally" quitting. http://t.co/SishrEaRku
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign The same way one tries, but fails, to inhale?@Lubchansky @soniasaraiya Now you know how Minnesotans felt about the grape salad thing.@section_sign What if Trump can compete in a general? We never field tested Ventura vs Humphrey w/o Norm! #agita #whatthen"The fundamental meaning of 14th amendment has to be stripped away but 2nd amendment is sacrosanct." Think about that.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
8/18
2015
In 2004 I wrote about "undecided voters" and I think a lot of it applies to Trump supporters http://t.co/rYuBiAyPOI
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@SkywayMusings Who are these companies holding employee picnics midday on a work day?@RobinKimball @widestance Walker’s truly abhorrent policies combine with a disturbing election probability for the highest index. 2/2@RobinKimball @widestance I’ve developed a personal fear index for GOPers, the product of policy awfulness and electability coefficient. 1/Scott Walker is basically if Dim from A Clockwork Orange got elected governor
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThe police presence at #StraightOuttaCompton is psychological warfare. The film comments on police terror & we're in a movement against it.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
8/17
2015
Cops in movies keeping guard outside hospital rooms have a 0% success rate.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema#honestjosh? #threedrinkfred? http://t.co/khmz5utSmc
8/16
2015
@kumailn has the brilliant flypaper tweets to attract self-nominating "block me!" responses.I would bet money that Franklin Graham thought "gender" is pronounced with a hard g until yesterday afternoon
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob You monster."Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter W and by the number 9 because you're all independent contractors now. #NoBenefits
Retweeted by Fred Beukemai havent had cons this angry at me in a while for a blog post in which i simply state their position. eye-opening. http://t.co/E8hY9WqqVl
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@saralovesyou Oh crap, I hadn't heard the Netflix detail until now. That's really bad. That's been our evenings for the last month!
8/14
2015
Good, I was worried I'd have something to look at while I'm in line to cross the river. https://t.co/boGyeBgAzO"I'm gonna accidentally queer my kid because Target didn't steer me to the correct action figures. LIBERALISM RUN AMOK DOOMS NATION."
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaYo, @cityofsaintpaul, no left from Kellogg to Sibley? How the hell am I supposed to get from Lowertown to south Minneapolis?@UMNExt Do you have people who can answer insect questions? We've seen what look like all-black box elder bugs in our home -- what are they?@leighalexander Our 4-year-old recently got really into Sesame St, & we've been watching lots of classic stuff on Netflix & YT. Is wonderfulI get why Sesame Street did the HBO deal but it makes me sad we're privatizing a national treasure originally aimed at educating poor kids
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@Hellendrung Inspired “Birdhouse In Your Soul”!Anyone writing a dissertation on what passes for humor among conservatives? https://t.co/jfXklEmvjt
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
8/13
2015
I remain truly impressed by the ingenuity of using a chador as a hands-free mobile phone device.Hillary: Ok so tell me about millenials Advisor: they are being crushed by student debt; they use emojis Hil: Gotcha https://t.co/1HQj7IB4YX
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign No more Katamari?Totally a supporter here, both in general @HillaryClinton and in the idea of student loan reform, but: c'mon.SOLD! https://t.co/kOCZJ5RKulCongratulations to cops, who are heroes http://t.co/NnoojEZeLr
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@BarbAbney @JoshDCarson @Go963MN @CatVidFest Is it Ugly Kid Joe?@HitFix @sepinwall It's like unusually chipper planetarium music.
8/12
2015
I don’t think the driver of 042 NPH has any idea how internetty her license plate is.@RobinKimball Every piece of rowing jargon I can think of sounds like I'm trying to make a stupid joke. Suffice to say: rowing.@thatlevi It's the Family Guy of pop songs.@thatlevi Is it the Munsters sample?
8/11
2015
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