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Fred Beukema @beukema Minneapolis, MN

Struct Eng, Improv, husband/dad. || You may think that you crave true love, but it is not a game for cowards. Neither is Scrabble. - Onion horoscopes

193 Following   399 Followers   4,725 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/3/09

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This is delightful: If you tap without rhythm, you won't attract the worm. Or the ire of your coworkers.@section_sign I have some spare carpet tiles in my cube that you can slip into the offender's footspace when they're out!@section_sign Blerg city.@section_sign Is the room carpeted? Audible toe-tapping is a problem that should not exist.@section_sign I thought about saying cube, but didn't want to assume. Thought office could be taken more broadly. Sorry on both counts.@section_sign By you, or an office neighbor?It's a shame that classic rock radio's racism has kept it from embracing Prince. "Purple Rain" is a "Comfortably Numb 2" waiting to happen.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@AprilTrubody @tvoti <squinty Philip Fry image macro> Equally a problem for anti-smoking advocates, or those who hate nuclear physics.
@BarbAbney So they weren't covering Herbie Hancock?@tvoti Chain-watching?Holy shit you guys, Sylvia Plath has been calling people basic since 1950. Pioneer bitch!
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob @Hellendrung Not even apropos of the Fair: CORN DOGS@sepinwall I didn't know @PFTompkins was in it!
@MyLittleBloggie One side keeps saying we need to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, move the needle. Other says we will do nothing. Uncivilized. [2/2]@MyLittleBloggie That it's fitting into the pattern? Sure, of course (if you mean something else, please help me back on track). But: [1/2]Seriously, Bob, how can you say that? @MyLittleBloggie@MyLittleBloggie Not unlike the predictability that there will be another mass or public shooting soon.Notice how we never knew #TrayvonMartin went to Space Camp. how media shapes black boy narratives. #GeorgeZimmerman
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@AdamSerwer Are your cats litter mates, or adopted separately?Here's a tip. This is America, there is never a good time for your scheduled pro-gun tweet. Someone just got shot. Always.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaWhat if… prescriptions had simple waiting periods, and guns were wildly overpriced and involved a gauntlet of predatory insurance companies?
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
@section_sign An overkind way to put it.I mean if the media's gonna continue to acquiesce to Trump, then he should be culture-jammed day and night. Every minute a camera is on.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaI'm not talking vanilla Code Pink junk. Full on Andy Kaufman yippee-type tits-&-ass guerrilla theater between Trump & every camera lens 24/7
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaRich bosses *really believe* their employees love them. It's amazing.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaNever forget. @Iveyawards I'm a pretty big figure in the puppet/magic comedy world, so you'll be paid in exposure to taco vendors.@mikefotis For those of us who aren't @Iveyawards, what are your rates?@section_sign @dbrauer I prefer "textured wall paint remover" or "fine dirty particulate generator."If anyone was truly Pro-Life, teachers would make six-figure salaries.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign 13.122. You had the technical elements, but didn't stick the landing. Also, the Romanian judge is a dick.Worst offense: being hack as fuck.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@jillybee72 I'm relieved to know that the creators of the format intended it to be like the peanut butter. A secure sense of righteousness.@section_sign Surprised to hear this. We don't print in color super-frequently, but it is a must-have feature, as is the scanner.@section_sign Perfectly rational! Ink carts cost less than toner, inkjet does color. Inkjet breaks, replacement in kind is cheap.@leighalexander Games like this are important, thank you for sharing it. Also, for your consideration:
@theseantcollins Almost whiplash-inducing.Ferguson Judge Orders Withdrawal Of All Arrest Warrants Before 2015
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@thegynomite Nice. I was late by about a decade for Minneapolis' big national music moment.@thegynomite Between them & Ben Folds Five, it was a very NC time in my musical interests.@thegynomite Love that band. I spent my first semester at Grinnell unsuccessfully lobbying the Concerts committee to bring them to campus.Men are too emotional to handle global markets.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@dbrauer Holy cats -- Trivedi's new lawyer is a college classmate of mine."The current language of educational reform...tends to approach education as if history had never happened" @jelani9
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@MyLittleBloggie Just ten active from a game, or the whole 40-man roster?
@section_sign Who was it?@kumailn Is that George Zimmerman in the vest?Can't buy a new car for $150? Not a car shortage. If you can't hire a teacher 4 poor wages & work conditions, that's not a teacher shortage
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@theseantcollins and Animal Practice!
@dbrauer Huh. Would have guessed legacy of multi-sort, myself.@dbrauer Such mixed feelings when MPIRG calls with an anti-HERC campaign. Waste-to-energy vs. imagined zero-waste? Easy. WTE vs landfill...?@dbrauer I think it all comes down to the economic engine of Mary Jo Copeland's Sharing and Caring Hands. No -- Met Transit HQ! No -- Lee's!
Seems @nero’s skills in organized misogyny transfer well to racism. Well on his way to being a four-quadrant oppressor. #egot #shaunking@tanehisicoates If I should dive into the Gold Boxes, where should I start? Pools of Radiance? Eye of the Beholder?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. @mashable @JN_eggert Savior actually won a precinct (the VA home) in the last Minneapolis mayoral race.@CalebMcEwen @braillewhale I still consider giving your name to the Tokyo TGI Fridays as one of the best/worst things I've done.@stoatno1 @section_sign @jamrockstar I'm a muggle, too, but married into this stuff and ended up watching the movies.@cwethern @johnmoe Have been shocked, watching 1969-1987ish episodes with kid, at how they did not sweep grownups' negativity under the rug.@stoatno1 @section_sign @jamrockstar Golden Snitch?
MLK's hate mail. 1. What about black on black crime. 2. You're responsible for the riots. 3. An "ally" quitting.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign The same way one tries, but fails, to inhale?@Lubchansky @soniasaraiya Now you know how Minnesotans felt about the grape salad thing.@section_sign What if Trump can compete in a general? We never field tested Ventura vs Humphrey w/o Norm! #agita #whatthen"The fundamental meaning of 14th amendment has to be stripped away but 2nd amendment is sacrosanct." Think about that.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
In 2004 I wrote about "undecided voters" and I think a lot of it applies to Trump supporters
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@SkywayMusings Who are these companies holding employee picnics midday on a work day?@RobinKimball @widestance Walker’s truly abhorrent policies combine with a disturbing election probability for the highest index. 2/2@RobinKimball @widestance I’ve developed a personal fear index for GOPers, the product of policy awfulness and electability coefficient. 1/Scott Walker is basically if Dim from A Clockwork Orange got elected governor
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThe police presence at #StraightOuttaCompton is psychological warfare. The film comments on police terror & we're in a movement against it.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
Cops in movies keeping guard outside hospital rooms have a 0% success rate.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema#honestjosh? #threedrinkfred?
@kumailn has the brilliant flypaper tweets to attract self-nominating "block me!" responses.I would bet money that Franklin Graham thought "gender" is pronounced with a hard g until yesterday afternoon
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob You monster."Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter W and by the number 9 because you're all independent contractors now. #NoBenefits
Retweeted by Fred Beukemai havent had cons this angry at me in a while for a blog post in which i simply state their position. eye-opening.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@saralovesyou Oh crap, I hadn't heard the Netflix detail until now. That's really bad. That's been our evenings for the last month!
Good, I was worried I'd have something to look at while I'm in line to cross the river."I'm gonna accidentally queer my kid because Target didn't steer me to the correct action figures. LIBERALISM RUN AMOK DOOMS NATION."
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaYo, @cityofsaintpaul, no left from Kellogg to Sibley? How the hell am I supposed to get from Lowertown to south Minneapolis?@UMNExt Do you have people who can answer insect questions? We've seen what look like all-black box elder bugs in our home -- what are they?@leighalexander Our 4-year-old recently got really into Sesame St, & we've been watching lots of classic stuff on Netflix & YT. Is wonderfulI get why Sesame Street did the HBO deal but it makes me sad we're privatizing a national treasure originally aimed at educating poor kids
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@Hellendrung Inspired “Birdhouse In Your Soul”!Anyone writing a dissertation on what passes for humor among conservatives?
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
I remain truly impressed by the ingenuity of using a chador as a hands-free mobile phone device.Hillary: Ok so tell me about millenials Advisor: they are being crushed by student debt; they use emojis Hil: Gotcha
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign No more Katamari?Totally a supporter here, both in general @HillaryClinton and in the idea of student loan reform, but: c'mon.SOLD! to cops, who are heroes
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@BarbAbney @JoshDCarson @Go963MN @CatVidFest Is it Ugly Kid Joe?@HitFix @sepinwall It's like unusually chipper planetarium music.
I don’t think the driver of 042 NPH has any idea how internetty her license plate is.@RobinKimball Every piece of rowing jargon I can think of sounds like I'm trying to make a stupid joke. Suffice to say: rowing.@thatlevi It's the Family Guy of pop songs.@thatlevi Is it the Munsters sample?
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