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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

::a rat a tat tat:: oneninehundredcake on instagram

880 Following   2,152 Followers   6,724 Tweets

Join Twitter 3/9/09

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Everybody needs to chill out about that ice water shit
8/18
2014
@JonRua are you okHEY. AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. IF THERE'S GONNA BE A POET LAUREATE THERE SHOULD ALSO BE A SLUT LAUREATE.
8/16
2014
#YESALLASSHOLES presents @ErinMarkey -- http://t.co/QYTODgtE3c
Retweeted by Erin Markey
8/15
2014
I'm assessing a $300 fine to the DMV for having pee soaked clumps of toilet paper all over the bathroom & I think that makes us even steven!
8/13
2014
does anybody have beyonce's dad's email? I would never dump him for a guy like Jay-Z.
8/12
2014
a doctor told me the best way to prevent cancer is to watch your fb page for notifications. given the circumstances i have to believe him.
8/11
2014
Need a good recipe for gum salad!@tyleroakley bout to eat some gnocchi
8/10
2014
@NOTCHRISTYLER @TheeIrishHorse I have a moo cowShout out to all my sisters who also adhered a crying eyeball temporary tattoo to their bicep with gin tonight!
8/9
2014
My dog knows more about victimhood than even me. Am I jealous or proud? These are the questions we must ask ourselves as parents.Just curious if any one else besides my acupuncturist knew my pulse was "slippery" and didn't tell me.
8/7
2014
come on http://t.co/mjPaMliTye
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyF/M/K: Chrome, Safari, James FrancoThinking about getting married so I can start having sex finally. Wondering if its worth it. PM meNeed some advice. An egg sandwich food cart's electronic message board is telling me to BE HAPPY. Should I do it?How many police offers do u have to piss off 2 get arrested? One. How many parents do u have to piss off 2 get grounded? One. #numerologyA LIST OF THINGS I DON'T BELIEVE IN Heineken Slim CanA FASHION POEM How many wristwatches would I have to wear at a time to seen capable of committing a white collar crime
8/6
2014
Bo Knows RT@billycheer @tylercoates @kennymellman max that was all Kenny, reading my familial tales for filthRT if u think Olympics used to be bullshit@billycheer @kennymellman @tylercoates phew. A Lion. I'll Follow You Into The Dark."She was on the cover of wheaties" @TheeIrishHorse explaining who Dorothy Hamill is@kennymellman @tylercoates ROGER THAT. TEN FOUR.@tylercoates it was @kennymellman who tricked me in the first place. Who tricked you, Kenny? Was it Death Cab for Cutie?@TheMorningNews I say this as a FULL SUPPORTER of strippers and sex workers!! But as a gal with holey pockets.
8/5
2014
#Spiegeltent this week: performances by @hotsardines, @hcarbornauts, @ErinMarkey, @JefferySelf, @ColeEscola & more! http://t.co/waAUio2vzT
Retweeted by Erin Markey"If you ever need to go to the bathroom, that's the new place to go to the bathroom." -Steven Hammel re: Michael's Craft Store in Chelsea
8/4
2014
"every year the teens go out in the woods and do a theater play."maya the bee@LyraSmith i pocket tweeted you!.@tylercoates i'll do it for $250This woman in an elegant maxi dress thinks she can cut in front of me just because she can't speak English well and I think that toobuzzfeed Y/N quiz: Have you ever had to tell yourself "I'm Somebody" to follow through on walking to a coffee shop to get an iced coffee?
8/3
2014
If I told you I already gave out the award for slimiest carrot in the bag, would you just give up
8/2
2014
@LyraSmithI dare you to pretend I'm warren buffet (or jimmy)Have u ever had 2 sell something & been so irritated by people's interest in the product? I'm not talking about womanhood. #maplecandy
8/1
2014
I heard jay z isn't going on with @bejohnce tonight and that #marinaabromavic is stepping in
7/31
2014
Guess who's coming to The Spiegeltent at @Bard_FisherCtr w @JefferySelf and @ErinMarkey August 9! coleescola's photo http://t.co/bsmdSALnXg
Retweeted by Erin Markey
7/29
2014
near POUGHKEEPSIE? me too. Doing a 5pm reading of Michael Friedman's American Pop at #NYSAF with folks who inspire me to apply blush.
7/27
2014
Drunk Selfie is a cute baby name and if you liked that one check out my book "Cute Baby Names For A Baby"
7/26
2014
NYC cabaret comedy stars come to #Spiegeltent! @ErinMarkey & duo @JefferySelf & @ColeEscola team up to entertain you. http://t.co/zpeQtA8rLk
Retweeted by Erin Markey
7/24
2014
If u want to donate directly to a Detroit resident's water bill, this is where u can do it! http://t.co/LXKzxL9BbQ #DetroitWatera swear jar, but for the word 'content'
Retweeted by Erin Markey@TheeIrishHorse tell your friend there's a ch-ch-ch-chippendale (rescue ranger)If u were a stripper and I put a sand dollar in your g-string would u be able to retire off that
7/22
2014
So honored to be able to turn hard feelings into salty water. I never asked to be a 21st Century Jesus but here I am.Hashtag Dana OwensI think @Lavernecox should be the new @theviewtv co-host! #theview #newhost #equality
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyIf the camera loves me she should just say so or walk. Oh, my bad, cameras CAN'T walk.Lets all take a moment of silence to feel embarrassed.
7/21
2014
@apetickler @amateurgourmet thanks!@amateurgourmet thank youuuu@amateurgourmet i had awesome malaysian food in australia, and i'm trying to find a website that has good malaysian recipes. any recs?
7/18
2014
Wooden Box Blues by Becca Blackwell@billycheer i disagree with analysis you. YOU ARE THE BRANDIEST HUMAN I'VE EVER MET.@ColeEscola :(there is not enough @Morgangould on twitter@ErinMarkey Erin is making me tweet #transfatual
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyI am selling cystic pimples for a limited time on my website white house dot gov
7/17
2014
@jeremyoharris @leahnanako @teddynicholas I thought by rn you meant nurse and I got excited cause I thought it was about wage equalityjust released some goooood seats for my show tonight @JoesPub w/ @kennymellman. come if you think people matter! http://t.co/1guvCWpUFwGreat night tonight--@WeAreBombadil hits the stage @ 7:30PM / @ErinMarkey at 9:30PM!
Retweeted by Erin Markey@tylercoates that's extra@tylercoates what makes you think i wouldn't want to watch you eat steak while I sing foolish games
7/16
2014
Honored that Google suspects me as a person who wants constant Bridge to Terabithia updates
7/15
2014
If a mom n pop store isn't open 24/7 I don't feel comfortable supporting it
7/14
2014
How many jokes do I have to make about advil before people realize being funny is how I am able to receive MedicaidIf u r against flip flops get out of my life. -santa"No one thinks it's a bathing suit but you.""Tell me about the first time you lost your virginity"
7/13
2014
#renditionsDo u guys think "shikoonk" is a good way to spell a timecard punch noise? Asking for a friend named My Lover.supermoon bitcoin
7/12
2014
Eating chips is making me want chips really badAlmond butter jar full of ketel #jarservice
7/11
2014
Happening now: Detroit activists arrested for blockading trucks that disconnect people's water http://t.co/WIOO8wyN8G http://t.co/QX8GqYQvi6
Retweeted by Erin Markeymy best friend's name is Emmy Snubs and we have fooled around.
7/10
2014
can new versions of Java just chill the eff outThere's no shortage of shows to check out at @JoesPub these days! Catch Erin Markey on 7/16: http://t.co/K7uzldcOGU
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyI heard there's a #GarthBrooks scandal going on right now in #Ireland. That can be hard and my heart goes out to everyone there.my YA Novel is called Shoddy Mortgages. Just kidding, It's called Chewable Homeopathic Jet Lag Pills. JK. It's called Erin, Plain and Tall.Our next show is July 16 @ 9:30pm at @JoesPub. Tix are still available & it's in a schweet @TimeOutNewYork listicle: http://t.co/D7bzzedhwL
7/9
2014
I miss the macarena so much. My mom was kind of a Michael Phelps in that arena. Would people let swimming fall off the charts into oblivion?I just watched a women's choir sing Nick Drake to an acoustic guitar and a rain stick in a hotel lobby in Tasmania and my life is different.
7/6
2014
pink elaphantitis of the bubbles #tbt https://t.co/Qslwfcwa6TWas told I went off-brand tonight when I talked about the cheese plate. But my father's father was a cheese plate so it's actually my legacyI'm in Tasmania with @kennymellman. He doesn't think I have rage. I say I do. WHO'S RIGHT? Only my tight-lipped hip flexors can say for sure
7/5
2014
Don't miss 2 DANGEROUS NEW YORKERS in #Hobart tonight as part of @KimDavidSmith #VOICEBOX @ErinMarkey & @JoeyAriasNYC #FOV2014 #GLOBAL
Retweeted by Erin Markey
7/4
2014
I'm mostly just relieved I'm not straight. Tmrw join my Relieved Parade that starts at Sbarro and ends at Victoria's Secret. #HashtagPhewLezzies is a cute name for a baby@AlisonEGurr thank youuuu@NOTCHRISTYLER i thought that's what i was doing already?
6/28
2014
Time for attending just 1 Pride event? Suggest Everybooty at @BAM_Brooklyn w/ @ErinMarkey @mxjustinVbond @Murray_Hill http://t.co/TWcOOrv8EY
Retweeted by Erin Markey
6/27
2014
at my fifth grade dance i stood next to a big bowl of Chicken McNuggets in the back while wearing pantyhose for the first time. #FIFA@JuliaWeldon @BAM_Brooklyn like-wize! let's knock headsThey Don't Smile At Me Unless They Want Me To Scan Something That's my new album on my new label: New York Temp
6/26
2014
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