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I just backed SAVE MY FILM, "I'm the Same" on @Kickstarter http://t.co/u1imQ5puKF

@mariannapalka good luck. I loved GOOD DICK.@mariannapalka you got itSAVE MY FILM, "I'm the Same", via @Kickstarter http://t.co/uV2jEDLaH0
Retweeted by Luka JonesI love how threats like "I'll chew your ass out" sound way sillier than they used to.@BillyMerritt @FernieCommaAlex @ActuallyBerg @bsfinkelstein Me neither ... I'm really disappointed in the joke.@bsfinkelstein @BillyMerritt @FernieCommaAlex @ActuallyBerg EXACTLY@claudialonow Congrats!@FernieCommaAlex @ActuallyBerg FIGS WHO??? #iwantin

No offense but you're a fucking piece of shit.

@PJ_Byrne Go PJ!The main reason I don't own an iPhone is that I'm against cults.@ChelseaVPeretti it's okay, none of that matters now ... Enjoy the abyss :)My dad's dead, but I hope everybody is having a great Father's Day! 👍@ChelseaVPeretti goodbye!FATHER: mine; he was here, @lukajones and I are proof. #estellagram http://t.co/DMTSbJhoty
Retweeted by Luka Jones

'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo' is a grammatical sentence. Read more about it here: http://t.co/0NlJTBKftj@iamledgin @internetcasey but seriously guys, texting is the best."Most people are not funny." --@pattonoswalt@robdelaney @arnettwill They're a well known company, Rob. The new ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT is being streamed by them.Bring 'beaver' back. #vagina

Wouldn't it be weird if a guy sang a love song to his dick? Out loud. Alone. In his bedroom. That'd be a WEIRD fucking guy...@mebeingserious yummersMacho guys are adorbs.Super-quick question for ppl who pay tons of money for yellow sports cars. What the shit?@atzuniga Thanks, man. Glad you enjoyed it!@TracyPendergast Sentences aren't true just because they express useful beliefs.'What's true is what works' is a sentence that is false even if it works.

@villepique super-affordableI never make you feel judged. Or if I do, it's because you're a fucking idiot.Meditation: The practice of producing inner states that are more easily and enjoyably achieved by ingesting pharmaceuticals.@shelbyfero this a poop tweet?@missalisonquinn @mollymcnearney Tell me about it guys. How do u think it feels to have such yummy delicious male nipples? Ugh... #cursed@brendonwalsh @nickthune SEE?!?@nickthune @brendonwalsh All of my tweets that express negative attitudes are really about BW.I love it when ppl speak to me as though their political or religious beliefs are shared by all reasonable ppl. Oh wait, I don't love that.

@AlexSkinner Dodgers."@Sethrogen: This is the End opens at 7pm tonight in most theaters! See it early so you can spoil it for people you don't like!" funny movie@DrGMLaTulippe Just saw it. Laughed a bunch, especially at McBride's stuff.Just used a urinal and got a bit of the spray on me, so I'm walking around outside with a few droplets of pee on my knees. ShhhhhhWarren is in the house.
Retweeted by Luka JonesCocooning oneself politically is not the behavior of a serious person."@ThePlaylist: The 16 Most Ridiculous Things Kanye Said In His New York Times Interview http://t.co/l51xp7o23V @vulture" this fucking guy@emilymayamills #BetteForever"The Rose" is playing at my local 7-11 right now. #gorgeous@emilymayamills FORREST GUMP!

Life, right guys? #callmebronco

@imnatecorddry I know what you mean. I've been thru it too. What you're feeling is natural.@imnatecorddry Congrats from a Denver guy!@ChelseaVPeretti holy shit Chels went political y'all@nickthune I think so."Actually, let's have fun." -thing I just said to myself aloud while grabbing a Perrier from the fridge instead of tap water

The Fat Bitch Posse is strong tonight my fellow Fat Bitches #FBP in full effect @ChelseaVPeretti @coolidiots @THEKIDMERO @lukajones
Retweeted by Luka JonesI like hip cool waiters, just don't want them waiting on my table.@treyko go get it!@treyko I'm so sorry buddy@moshekasher smartI put my sunglasses in my right front pocket. Then I walked around looking for them for an hour at places I've been to recently.@jlsnedegar @johannesschmitt Technically, I think. So maybe its only technically crappy, but not REALLY crappy.@iamledgin As long as I don't really know, I'm good. #BlockbusterMovieAwardsInstead of ceasing the sexualizing of women, can we just start sexualizing men a ton more? #equality@jlsnedegar @johannesschmitt Europe sucks crap@iamledgin Some Aussies have trouble with Moss' accent in it. Glad I don't know the difference. #StanleyCupFinals@j_urban I'd never say the latter@j_urban sorry sorry I meant to write "I don't known good movie ideas" ... The 'u' is right nxt to the 'i'@brianglenney Wouldn't know@j_urban ha sure but u don't know good from bad movie ideas

@j_urban loved it@Gramerick2 got that coveredOne must possess certain sociopathic characteristics in order to comfortably pee at a urinal in a very crowded men's restroom.@ChelseaVPeretti soliciting sex"@ParisHilton: 11:11 - Make a Wish... #LifeisBeautiful" Life is the best!

@melmstephens There is no moment precisely construed.@melmstephens there is no meant to beHalf of the time I text myself a note I end up getting excited about the incoming text as though it's from someone else. #dummy

@WallaceYovetich Notice the Wallace plaid blanket, as well. XoIf you don't at least tack an implicit and genuine "but I might be wrong" to most expressions of your political beliefs, then you're an ass.Greta Gerwig: The thinking man's Woody Allen muse.

@brendonwalsh Or working ppl who have real physically demanding jobs unlike you you friggin pussy.

@ActuallyBerg Good.@ActuallyBerg That was typed on an HTC Windows 8 phone! (Dying to get my hands on the new BB Q10 though...)@ActuallyBerg Have fun in hell, dummy.check out the red band trailer for "the to do list"! comes out in july! http://t.co/7pbO7JQp8M
Retweeted by Luka Jones@melindahill what's a 51/50?Don't get why on earth anyone uses 'mrs' or 'miss' instead of just 'ms' ... So weird. #equality"@NikkiFinke: ‘Modern Family’ Welcomes A New Member: Writer Emily Spivey http://t.co/XFKoY0IkFF via @Deadline" Congrats @spivey_e !

"@NelsonFranklin: Everyone keeps talking about the Heat. Get an air conditioner, guys." NAILED IT!@ChelseaVPeretti TMI

This one's dedicated to younger siblings everywhere. My (already) well honed "welllll, but can I tell… http://t.co/iA9P25E0Of
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Those were the days...

@allisonfields @Dave_Horwitz You're sitting on someone else's butthole?? #HOT@AraAstourian Appropriate somber reflective respect isn't everyone's strong suit, unfortunately.@ericjedelstein @MrJakeJohnson Good choice. Solid film.@AraAstourian It's never God's work at all. :)

Ppl fetishize genitals often.@ActuallyBerg Who the hell likes aps quiting??? U can't be serious...

@nicoleaimee @JAdomian Lucky guy!@nicoleaimee @JAdomian I believe that Nicole is implying here that James has had a flacid penis around her before.@JAdomian @nicoleaimee James means to imply here that his dick is big, if I'm reading him correctly.@gsnair Yeah, I think we're interpreting the 'some goals' part differently maybe.