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"Elle MacPherson's cancelled."hey! let's go to montreal! ok let's go! @ Depanneur Le Gobelet http://t.co/YohQLIByyH@FastCompany 100 most creative ppl in biz + @lizmeriwether just helped me forget i've been on a bus for 5 hours. THX http://t.co/eZmQ9DS9Lj

i'm a genie in a bottle baby
Retweeted by pip scowcroftbayleamer's photo http://t.co/ydXmsjRdOX only time you'll see me this happy probablyhttps://t.co/1LE6CEVZmx

https://t.co/oRJKRUwF8c

Noticed more grey hairs today. We are all rotting & life is a carnival of pain. #CoorsLight
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i feel you girlfriend. http://t.co/b64cascHuS

k that should do it nightCrazy Women Eating Pasta, Badly (27 stock photos): http://t.co/EgfM0Xb1dw
Retweeted by pip scowcroftHelicopters are speeding to the landing site, now in view!
Retweeted by pip scowcroftThe Late Movies: Songs About Obsolete Technology — http://t.co/7tqTPoIVug
Retweeted by pip scowcroftProper lab attire http://t.co/R3lG8YARY7
Retweeted by pip scowcrofti took a bath earlier, disgusting
Retweeted by pip scowcroftcriminals take baths
Retweeted by pip scowcrofti will now retweet any tweet that's not hockey related, because, balance.

if thinking of the right thing to say five minutes after you should have said it were an olympic sport, that would be weird.@Bar_Deg just like that! ps: i could make a better bieber out of a couple used birthday candles.

it always looks like ray liotta's wearing eyeliner.

me: miss you. my life: uh, who are you?

art imitating lunch http://t.co/GFwia8aYz4

cinco de mayo at worko @ Sid Lee Toronto http://t.co/J6Q3S2cuw7

"but the lens that michael's brother has invented is genius" drunk teacher talking about kids with 'shitty eyes' at a leslieville bar #realthe exterminator guy just called me "quiet as a mouse" and i, for one, think that's hilarious.

<3 @ Gilda's Club of New York City http://t.co/u2kHuk7Ahv...and then we got kicked out of the children's zoo. http://t.co/FxdgpmRT8V

mile high chug http://t.co/8DDVBFb692@kaitlyn_roland return ;)

#disapproval http://t.co/7G05UcIHHhpairs well with cake and ham http://t.co/R15Fl5hkQ6

where's a good place to do laundry in new york?the part at the end about tylenol: “@perlorian: How to Manage Your Existential Dread in Light of, Oh, Everything http://t.co/az83GkEgSg”

in a distillery district coffee shop. @LukeLalonde asks you to move so he can plug in his mac. leaves before you can say you're a fan. #sad

tonight's dream: a world that's not confusing, and violent, and sad.how many times a day do you think people call jon hamm don and just brush it under the rug cuz same diffdrinking a smoothie on a weekday morning really does make you feel better than everyone else.

arugula pesto or blended alien? i guess you will never know k it's pesto http://t.co/MtocJjf4jUif you left this at the laundromat we're meant to be bffs i hope you know http://t.co/V4VPX9GFY2

if you wanna eat less honey eat this honey #frightening http://t.co/Hm0l6iqOtjthat sugar spread really kept it together http://t.co/5r44N6ITq0@cassiescowcroft look, you see floor http://t.co/XXWV5qxVrR@vijaysingle this is pizza in chicago??? can you mail me one???if you want people to believe you're an adult maybe don't wear shoes that allow the ears of your panda socks to poke outcleaning the house with nothing but this on: http://t.co/opYwTX0SMOnext time i check facebook on my phone when i'm already on facebook on my computer i'm making myself eat either the phone or the computer

@DreTurner BAH! amazing. and disturbing.is this haunting anyone else on facebook? http://t.co/peqDHQft2Uad win: https://t.co/cqCs1rTuyPit's exhausting being a fake dad http://t.co/kku6BRFgWu@evilhag clam down.

nothing can do what whipped cream doeshot dog's in there http://t.co/ZrvhavJQ5D

nothing like crawling into bed with a good grocery store flyer and crying yourself to sleep.my new fave band http://t.co/LxKSx5Y9VW

ever change your profile pic on facebook and think i'll probably get hit by a car and die later and this will be forever? yeah. me neither.

do i tell him his hair is on fire? http://t.co/iiD7Pfqp70

"Does pen come out of your pants?"
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hello? overeaters enormousnous?

I COOKED AN EGGc_poirier "here's what i made" http://t.co/LmhrPjq4Ur@davidiserson oh man. star-studded. has anyone requested the copy that the zippo gets really close to at the end? will it be on ebay?

@derrickjosephC ha ha very funny DAD. no one's buying that profile pic. or the name derrick. can i borrow the car to go to ikea?

time to go for a run/walk to dominosbusiness idea: if you bake it, they will come. (ghost-themed baked goods.)business idea: if you bake it, they will come. (kevin costner-themed baked goods.)business idea: if you bake it, they will come. (baseball-themed baked goods.)

you're not 29. yeah i am. no way. yep. no. yes. no way. yes i am. NO. *lifts bangs, revealing deeply-creased forehead.* it's so nice out eh?could someone be my dad for tax purposes? ie: do my taxes

i love the show enlightened but i can't watch it without thinking about dinos. #hbo #lauradern #jurassicpark #dinos

LOVable http://t.co/IMW0IiPmH5

Divorced Father Buys String Cheese To Make Coming To His Place Fun http://t.co/u0FumFsMvI
Retweeted by pip scowcroftmm hmm: http://t.co/cOFD2ChFXC

reminder: women literally bleed in cycle with the moon, which is metal as hell.
Retweeted by pip scowcroftcome to the great hall and say hi to me and @erinscholz we're hockin her edible wares. what does that even mean come and find out.@explodeasaurus i was. and then you said jelly.hi. http://t.co/H2M70axG4ano onions! http://t.co/xls1jwaKDOeverything is art at @erinscholz's http://t.co/xkdiVGtlwHa man named shannon.just realized how bad i wanna roll on the ground and shoot a gun....and we all made it home alive. The end. @Bar_Deg @JennyFingers

love http://t.co/dtbmvxtB4V

DARWIN IS IN HERE!! THE DARWIN!!! VOTE!!!!! http://t.co/IR307JDn8q to win #MyBBB@zacradford it was me. hi.

this korean restaurant has everything. (stabs herself with chopsticks.)this street corner has everything. a girl listening to that lumineers song on her nano. a girl suffering hearing loss. a girl who's sad.this subway car has everything. a guy kissing his teeth at me. lice probably. internet access.this subway station has everything. trash. ads. a girl talking about stew. jennifer aniston. just kidding. (i hate this.)gonna play stefon cuz im in a stefonk. ready? this bus ride has everything. crinkly bags. cleft palates. a strange pill on the floor."Seeing is believing so you better change your sex." -ShaggyTHIS VIDEO HAS EVERYTHING. TORTOISES. SEALIONS. A SHARK NEAR MY FRIEND'S FACE! GO! PLEASE! VOTE! http://t.co/IR307JDn8q #MyBBB

enjoying this: http://t.co/uJTsUaRr7Jround round get around i get around yeah, get around whooooorrre

@MericMandrews um, it's a typewriter.@MericMandrews yeah. maybe not if it needs a cord. cuz, i don't have one. but, it's all yours...?anyone want this? it might work. http://t.co/atKdkLd6DM@lukechampion ding ding dingwho's the guy tho? http://t.co/pShHRVKAqohappy day http://t.co/NfSn2xq6EH