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on writer's block... frank, honest, funny. http://t.co/lo5CquVZ

"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." S.J.

Find out your PC's gender! Mine is female: http://t.co/mFexhyUD

@michelleh98 lol. Ditto on the follow! :)Yuppies recreate gross 'Teeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' pizzas. http://t.co/J1cjIPNb@ClaireBearz80 Thanks for the follow!@Melanie_McC Thank you for following, Melanie!@Mstersmith Thank you for following!@NicolaLPalmer Thanks for the follow!@RareCat Thanks for the follow.@KE_Hawkins Thanks for the follow!@superpixelbros Ditto and I'm just swell, thanks for asking!I have secretly always wanted to be an agony aunt.

@BareFoot_Writer Yes, Ma'am!

The sweetest little indie game http://t.co/ifDk4cokHow do fishing magazines come up with fresh material week after week?

@DonaldJRothschi Shadow Bay looks interesting.vomited prodigiously.
Retweeted by saltandcigarettes@jsbc4117 Thanks for the follow!@FJGouldner Thank you!@HarperKingsley0 Thank you!@amandadelahoy Thanks for the follow!@BarbaraPhinney Thanks. I do try! I'll check out your website when I have a free moment!@lorikleeauthor Thank you for the follow!@WendyCartmell Thanks!@JennyTwist1 Thank you for the follow, Ms. Twist.

@GarethAveyard WAHEY!Does anyone else find that True Twit validation thing annoying? No, I won't join up to prove myself. Let this stand as proof of my humanity!A marimba group was playing the Monkey Island theme song outside of the shopping mall today - made my life.Honestly, I have nothing to say right now.

I had no idea cats could snore...until last night.

If something decreases in size, is there a finite point at which it must stop, or can it get smaller and smaller forever?

Two rats are currently having noisy sex outside my window. It sounds like an old dog chewing a bone...I have just seen the most luxuriant, full-blooded unibrow. The surpising thing was that the owner was actually kissing a real-life girl.

@gregorywalters Thanks for the follow!@BlackmanAndrew Thanks for the follow. I'll check out your website when I have a spare moment!

@KCNealTweets Thanks for the follow!@josslandry Thanks for the follow!

@alaindebotton I am 'mentally preoccupied' all the time. Good to know that I am not the only one!@CaseyWyatt1 Ditto. It's true, I am 100% human! Enjoy your day.@GenePoolDiva Thanks. You too.

I think Twitter's 'similar to you' function is broken. Contrary to what you may think, Twitter, I am not a porn spambot.@Jynchuuri @youtube - This is really great!

@Kirie1st It's tough being so masculine...next door blues... http://t.co/alcA6u6V

@Kirie1st Sigh...possibly true.@claredolally @BHLC Skype is the pits sometimes!Look out of the window! ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!Why am I so lazy?That awkward moment when you mistake the update status field on facebook for google search.

random picture dump - april! Fun OVERLOAD! http://t.co/PrDnURS6

Just dismantled an industrial-sized jungle gym - I have a new found respect for the working classes.

@Danelle_Pacewic thanks for the follow. I do not disappoint!@ben_cake thanks for the follow.

I must be the only person on the planet without a smart phone. Nokia 3310 for the win.

Spambots are using famous quotes to better disguise themselves. Oh, you are a fan of Dickens and you represent http://t.co/mhSm3tJl? Crazy.I wish there was a size between medium and large.

As good a driver as I am, in my mother's eyes I drive too fast and brake too late, causing her to grip the door in abject panic.Never say no to a panda! http://t.co/fvBrPUnd

@Georgia_Groome I know the feeling!Sigh. My spam comments are so very complimentary!batman riding various dinosaurs: http://t.co/3OwNwqz9

the ant trap - you must read this! http://t.co/wZPbOYRE

@MyAwkwardTweet That awkward moment when you turn a corner and a stranger gives you a fright!

@JacobDonley It is a pleasure. That is one impressive goatee!@georgeNjonathan Either your profile gif is eerily phallic or my graphics card is dying.

This is the last time I twitter in my boxers - a mosquito just bit me right on the testicle.random funny picture dump - march http://t.co/QzmJHXJa@warrencass haha!@TravisCoverArt Thanks for the follow.

@warrencass Haha! I'm sure I have a few more penis stories left in me (even that sounds wrong!)@Vidocq_CC Thanks for the follow.@warrencass We appear to be kindred spirits!@CloudRiders Thanks for the follow!Cool zombie exercise app: http://t.co/JpRpC8cy

@CAlmeidaCAubrey Thanks.@faierytales Thanks for the follow!

exposure - Ed Harris and my penis... http://t.co/Frxlprm1

@LoriGArmstrong Many thanks.fun with spam! http://t.co/9WgYmAN1

@The_Hungry "Aim for the nerve stem and put it down for good."If you could not be in Gryffindor, which house would you choose? Personally, probably Ravenclaw. Also where is my effing letter, Dumbledore?I am busy playing an excellent old-school styled platform game called Trine 2. Think The Lost Vikings meets Portal. It's a lot of fun.

I have just finished a fantastic book, which I recommend to anyone with a taste for good writing : http://t.co/YwXbdMCT@CashLaramie Looks interesting.@JohnFugelsang Awesome.The Crane Fly in my room only has a month to live, yet it does nothing but sit on my cupboard all day. Lazy to the point of extinction.

1980s Shangri-La http://t.co/7oROYkmd

Twitter spoils the nuances of my style by forcing me to sever words and commit hideous grammatical crimes for the sake of space. Don't you aWhy yes, I did study classics. Oh, you have something I simply must read. Is it Donna Tartt's The Secret History? Let me add it to my pile.

Robots, Drugs, Wheelchairs! http://t.co/skOlSlWW

I have come to realise that if I were suddenly sucked back in time, I would have no way of proving that I was from the future.

You realise a game may not be aimed at your target group when the final stage is geared solely to soothing and grooming a unicorn.

Department of Home Affairs - the great leveler.

pugilism http://t.co/bQSM7Wut

@AlbertTiseo I concur! Thank you and keep pushing onward!This gives me a fright every single time! Do not look at this if you are in danger of a heart attack. http://t.co/KDDGa8xk

"He's the all american bullet-headed saxon mother's son."@TheMikeyX Haha. Well according to this, there are over 5 million users who are actually dead. http://t.co/eyjeGlux. Who knew?

Abject fear, a yuppie wedding, an elephant man, Ian Roberts. READ ME! http://t.co/wJzmMf6q